Anecdotal & Statistical Proof That Women Over Forty Are Not Destined To Be Old Maids

October 29, 2010 at 12:28 pm 234 comments

Harold and Maude

Image via Wikipedia

When I was a kid I used to think that it was funny that unmarried women of a certain age were called old maids. So was a kid’s card game and, funnily enough, unpopped popcorn kernels. The unpopped popcorn kernels were a metaphor for something, I think.

I was humbled, humbled, I tell you, by the comments of one man named David, from the United Kingdom, on my blog yesterday. He reminded me that although the statistics seem to skew for men who are interested only in significantly younger women that not all men are that way. He himself prefers women closer to his own age. Or, at least, of the women he’s been dating lately, the one who was his favorite was a woman in her mid thirties, because he could relate to her. With the good men, the kind of man you might want to marry someday, personality will play a significant role.

I hesitate to mention the example of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore given their recent tabloid rumors – but Ashton and Demi. I mean, he did marry her. There’s a sixteen year age difference there. And there are certainly other examples somewhere besides fictional characters like Harold and Maude and even some where the woman is not the boy’s school teacher and the boy is not under age. Some men prefer older women or women closer to their own age.

All kidding aside, men generally prefer younger women because nature has made them that way, and shouldn’t we all thank the good Lord that it did. To produce healthy babies men have to mate with younger women, hence, the attraction. They’re made that way. They really, literally can’t help it.

We could talk about how that’s unfair all day long, the biological clock and all, but the plain fact of the matter is that one of a child’s parents should have a good chance of living until it reaches adulthood. Giving a woman a finite number of eggs and years in which to accomplish procreation seems designed to ensure that the kid is not just born but also raised by at least one loving parent.

So, I did a lot of reading on the internet yesterday, because David challenged me, on the chances of a woman’s marrying for the first time after the age of forty. And one thing I found out was that a Newsweek article from 1986 that said that college educated women over forty have a greater chance of being killed by terrorists than marrying for the first time is statistically unsound. Can you imagine? Shocking!

Eighty percent of all women are married by the age of forty. Of those women who remain unmarried, they have at least a 40% statistical probability of eventually marrying, maybe even better! And those statistics are probably not accounting for lesbians or for women who don’t even WANT to get married, for whatever reason.

In my reading I found advice for women over 40 who wish to marry for the first time. The advice, in a nutshell, is to relax your standards. Don’t relax them about everything, but about the stuff that’s frivolous, let it go. In other words, he should be kind and make you laugh but the full head of hair might be something you could compromise on.

Also, when a woman is in her teens and twenties she starts to put up many barriers to screen out unwanted suitors. After 40, it might be time to lower the drawbridge. Let down your guard a little. When you were younger and there were many, many unsuitable suitors it made sense to give the men some hurdles to jump. Now, not so much. Men are intimidated by them. They want a woman who’s approachable – another quality that the younger women have in spades because they don’t have the battle scars that come with dating over time. The approachable thing might take some work.

In my internet scouring I found many helpful articles and even a forum of a discussion on the subject that I’ve copied and pasted a link to below. I also copied and pasted the Wikipedia pages of famous women who were first married after the age of 40. Yes, these women all look 20 because they have the money for that personal chef and personal trainer and personal plastic surgeon, but “real” women get married after 40, too. I promise. I think I’ve even met some of them. In conclusion, I’m also pasting an inspirational song from YouTube to give you some motivation. So, if you’re a woman of a certain age and you want to be married, get out there and strut your stuff!

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/26/marriage-and-women-over-40/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1126356/One-newly-married-writer-reveals–bag-husband-40.html

http://www.luvemorleavem.com/blog/2010/04/30/first-time-marriage-over-40/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcia_Cross

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariska_Hargitay#Personal_life

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calista_Flockhart

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_n1_v45/ai_8029497/pg_3/?tag=content;col1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Hurley#Personal_life

http://www.datemypet.com/article/marriage_over_40.html

http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/298317-1st-marriage-over-40-bad-risk-5.html

http://www.more.com/2040/9002-stars-who-married-after-40#10

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/05/31/earlyshow/main1671139.shtml

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloria_Steinem

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marlo_Thomas

http://newsblaze.com/story/20090710133138rose.nb/topstory.html

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Entry filed under: Humor, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Women's Rights. Tags: , , , , , , .

Men, And More Scientific Research On Why I’m Doomed to Loneliness Friday Night Dark

234 Comments Add your own

  • 1. cocktailsattiffanys  |  October 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Is that who I think it is? Michael Buble? Because I love him.

    -Lucky

    Reply
    • 2. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 1:38 pm

      Yes, that is Michael Buble. I love him, too.

      Reply
      • 3. spikywires  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:21 pm

        You know she just put up that article so she could post that video.

        I love him three.

  • 4. liveinhusband  |  October 29, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Very interesting post!

    Regarding standards: I hope I’m not the only person that finds that as I get older, it’s more difficult to make friends. Most people seem to move into a psychological niche as they get older and there are fewer people that mesh well with that niche. So perhaps this idea of lowering standards should be rephrased to examining whether our standards become more obsessively specific over time.

    Quite surprisingly, I’ve discovered that I don’t fall into any standard man shape or personality that my wife dated before we married.

    I like to think this means that all the men she dated before me were butt ugly, but I have my doubts….
    Ryan

    PS – Arrived via Freshly Pressed.

    Reply
    • 5. Wednesday's Child  |  October 29, 2010 at 3:15 pm

      I find it difficult to make friends as I get older too. Or should I say, to want to make friends. And I’m aware that it’s because I’ve gotten pickier. Luckily when I was young I was friends with a lot of people 15-20 years older than me who I watched get pickier about socializing. (And I was lucky to be among the picked. I think some of them must have liked my youthful energy.) I think it’s normal among certain types of people.

      Reply
      • 6. liveinhusband  |  October 29, 2010 at 4:17 pm

        Actually, almost all of my friends are five to twenty years older than I am too. I’m always the youngest.

        I like to think that this makes me an “old soul.” Maybe wise, even.
        Ryan

    • 7. sittingpugs  |  October 31, 2010 at 4:23 pm

      It is increasingly difficult to make friends after one finishes schooling (college or graduate degree). Coworkers may only wish to socialize during work hours (lunch, happy hour events still in context of work) and anyone else that you may meet without the help of mutual friends may prefer to keep conversations and time spent together casual and inconsequential.

      Moreover, the older one gets, the more likely it is that new acquaintances will be married, engaged, or in a committed relationship. Even if you truly only want to be friends, these acquaintances can’t be too careful (understandably so).

      Reply
  • 8. lifeintheboomerlane  |  October 29, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    I love that you posted this, along with the links. Having run a speed dating company, and having co-authored two books for women at midlife and beyond, I can say that my experience for the most part is that women who want to have a commited relationship after 40, will find one. Women who remain single, usually do so out of choice, even though they may say they’d like to be in a commited relationship. Funny, one of my posts for next week, already written, is “Seven Reasons Why You Should Date A Woman Over 50.”

    Reply
  • 9. runtobefit  |  October 29, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    What I find most interesting is that men, after the death of a wife, will likely marry again. However, women often don’t need to marry again. I believe this is because women are much stronger and independent than men. They are the foundation to which most of us men stand on. Women keep us steady and level headed. Without a woman, whatever age she may be, a man may feel disjointed. A woman makes all the pieces fall into place. A woman is a foundation on her own, capable of so many things. I know I have this view because I had a single mom growing up. I guess it made me realize that a man often needs a woman, but a woman rarely needs a man. It’s crazy…but just a thought.

    http://www.runtobefit.wordpress.com

    Reply
    • 10. etereal  |  October 29, 2010 at 5:01 pm

      to:runtobefit

      I think at some point you are correct. We can mantain “the balance” longer (we can resist pain for longer periods). Creativity and how we spend our time have a lot to do with it, but as soon as we have a “gap” there is another story. I was married once (I am on my 30′s) after that, I turned a workaholic, when I am not at work, I travel. But sometimes when I am in a fantastic place or just simply enjoying a movie at home I tell myself that will be nice if somebody remind me about this very second in the future.

      A man have it easier because they chase we don’t. Just as simple as that.

      Reply
    • 11. Thag Jones  |  November 10, 2010 at 3:10 pm

      Nah, not even close. It’s because an older man has more options to marry than an older woman. Nice try though.

      Reply
      • 12. mjay  |  November 13, 2010 at 11:18 am

        Thag is right in large part. The second is that women usually marry for financial reasons and rarely share their money.

        Once they grab a hold of that monthly pension and lump insurance payment, well, they just don’t want to share.

      • 13. gooseberrybush  |  November 13, 2010 at 1:22 pm

        Really scientific observation there. Wanna back up your argument with some actual facts? Didn’t think so.

      • 14. mjay  |  November 15, 2010 at 8:01 am

        Widows receive the majority of SS payments, which would terminate upon remarriage if the woman were to remarriage before 60.

        Also, men die earlier than women on average – this might contribute to a greater proportion of widows beyond a certain age, all of whom compete for a dwindling number of widowers.

        And older men *do* have more options to marry than older women.

        Given the encounter group anecdotes above cited as “data”, gooseberrybush, you might want to practice what you preach.

        Truth ain’t pretty, is it – *hamster away!*.

      • 15. mjay  |  November 15, 2010 at 8:12 am

        Men historically have higher rates of remarriage after widowhood than women. In 1990, 2 per 1,000 widowed women aged 65 and older remarried, compared with 14 per 1,000 widowed men. Therefore, on average, women spend more of their later years as widows.

        In 2003, 7.0 percent of older men and 8.6 percent of older women were divorced and had not remarried.

        For divorced women, the probability of remarriage after age 45 is less than 5 percent

        In 1990, 30 of 1,000 divorced women aged 45 to 64 remarried during the year, a decrease from 45 per 1,000 in 1960.

        A comparable proportionate decline is seen for remarriage among women aged 65 and older; 4 per 1,000 divorced older women remarried during 1990, compared with 9 per 1,000 in 1960.

        Divorced men, on the other hand, were more likely to remarry, although they also experienced declines in remarriage rates.

        http://www.remarriage.com/Remarriage-Facts/65-and-older-and-remarriage.html

      • 16. gooseberrybush  |  November 15, 2010 at 11:31 am

        I want you to cite me anywhere in my piece where I said that women’s chances to marry don’t decrease with age. I still maintain that both women and men should stick to standards of decency. Choose a man who has a fine personality and character and attitude who treats you with respect and values you for more than your beauty, your body, and your sexuality. That is my message to women. Relax the rest: superficial or perhaps shallow concerns. Some men will still want women over thirty, and those are the kinds of mature and intelligent and secure men who have better things to do than to skulk around the internet making bitter comments. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain because you are unsuccessful with women.

        As for following my own advice, I don’t recall saying anything in the piece about whether I personally want a man or not. I certainly wouldn’t want one like the majority of the men I’ve encountered from the manosphere who are bitter rationalization hamsters themselves. See What I Learned from the Manosphere if you want to know what I mean about that.

  • 17. niña  |  October 29, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    i think men like younger women not because they want to ensure the survival of their babies into adulthood but for the fact that younger women are more flexible in terms of everything. and that some are gullible. and that some young women adore older men. hahahaha.
    thanks for this post. why the heck is michael buble in here? :)

    Reply
    • 18. JP  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:22 pm

      To say that the preference of older men for younger women is completely divorced from the biological imperative would imply that they would marry older women if they were “more flexible in terms of everything.” So what you are saying is that older who do not marry by or after 40 are too inflexible to get anyone to marry them?

      By the way, I like the way you started off you first sentence with a lowercase “i”. It shows that you secure enough in your sense of self that you do not need to elevate yourself.

      Reply
  • 19. Mikalee Byerman  |  October 29, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    This reminds me of that scene in “Sleepless in Seattle” when Rosie and Meg and their colleagues are debating the legitimacy of the “myth” that women over 40 are statistically more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to find love again.

    Classic.

    I’m glad there’s research out there. But I also wish that said research would be modernized, because the debate still rages! :)

    Reply
  • 20. Catherine  |  October 29, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    This makes me think of this article I read recently,
    Is It Time to Stop Waiting for Mr. Right?

    http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1958998,00.html

    It’s from the New York Times earlier this year. I’ve included a passage below that was was most relevant to me, considering I am almost 26. I guess I never really thought about how I am at the height of my desireability right now, and I won’t be able to be as picky the older I get. I guess I never really considered that my being a great “catch” will somewhat diminish with age, and the pickings will be far more limited. Definitely something to think about.

    You write about women in their 20s having more power. What do you mean by that?
    Women in their 20s have the most power in that they’re at the top of the totem pole in the dating hierarchy. They’re the most desired age group biologically — in terms of childbearing ability, in terms of their appearance and also just in their attitude. When you’re in your late 20s, you feel very confident and very on top of the world, and you haven’t become jaded by being out there dating for 15 years. I’m not saying this to scare women, but I just think people need to be aware of it, because when you are in your late 20s, you think, Oh, even when I’m 38, someone will see how special and charming and lovely I am. And they might, but it’s going to be a lot easier when you are 28 if you give the really good guys that are available to you a chance. Because those guys are going to be married by the time you are 38.

    Read more: http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1958998,00.html#ixzz13lHeGL8G

    Reply
    • 21. daretoeatapeach  |  October 31, 2010 at 4:58 pm

      A huge portion of those desirable guys are going to be divorced by the time you’re thirty-eight. Some of the ones who were wild bachelors are going to be ready to settle.

      Something happens to a woman around thirty. You grow into yourself. Most people in their twenties haven’t embraced their adulthood. But after thirty women become more confident and competent. You find your career, rather than a job. You know who you are and what you want. You are not afraid to be sexy. Men love this.

      I can’t speak to 38, but I had much better luck attracting men after I turned thirty. I thought it was just me but my younger gal pals are going through the same thing now,

      Reply
  • 22. oregonmike98  |  October 29, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    As a male i would just like to say that I am 32 and my girlfriend is 40. She is a widow and I am divorced(got married real young was divorced by 27). And i think this is the best relationship I have ever been in. She has a grown 22 and 17 year old and i dont want kids i feel that at 32 im past the point where its a priority and given my career kids dont make sence plus the fact i generally dont like kids it works. I understand the guys liking the younger women sometimes but i dont think its always the case, usually from a guys point of view we DO KNOW its only a temporary attraction. But when it comes to me and kat, i love what we have, we know our lives, she knows hers, what she wants and needs there no head games like you get with younger women. She is very black and white and i love it, it was a big change from my prior relationship which was with a a 20/21 year old who yes was fun, but less serious and more immature than what i wanted.
    Kat is not the olderst women i have dated but definatly the oldest i have maintained a realtionship with, we have been together for a year and going strong. Givin the choice to do it all over again i would, i would not suggest any guy date a girl younger than 24 or so. Great blog

    Reply
  • 23. CrystalSpins  |  October 29, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    I don’t want to have babies — damn biology! I just want to be in love and get married. Damn biology. I’m not 40 yet — not by a long shot, but all the men my age are married or completely unsuitable (and it’snot that the frivolous bits of my standards are too high–these sre guys who can’t hold down a job). Boo.

    Crystal
    http://www.crystalspins.com

    Reply
  • 24. educlaytion  |  October 29, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Super interesting stuff. I think a lot of men may look at younger women, but they also understand how much is missing from the neck up. Try dating a girl ten years younger and maybe 1 in 1,000 will surprise. There’s just not a lot of common ground, especially when she wants to go clubbing and you’ve been over that since the last century.

    I have a friend who say all single women over 30 have issues. Yes, he is jaded. I told him that can’t be true. On one point he is right though. The younger ones are much, much simpler. That can be good and bad. Congrats on FP.

    Reply
    • 25. afbwriter  |  November 1, 2010 at 1:51 pm

      Good post. That goes both ways! As an unmarried, educated woman in my 40s, it’s difficult to find a man (at least where I live), who is compatible in the area of intellect, and really “gets” what a relationship is/should be about. For the first time in my life I am comfortable with who I am, and am happy with my life. As far as baggage, everyone has it to some degree. It’s how it’s dealt with — if it’s not dealt with, well, then, that’s where choices come in.

      Unless I meet someone who knocks my socks off in many aspects, I’ll likely remain single!

      Good blog topic, proven by the discussion that followed!

      Reply
    • 26. JP  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:32 pm

      Do you have proof that it can’t be true? If their is another reason these women are single into thirties, can you propose another reason?

      Reply
  • 27. TEVG  |  October 29, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    ♫ ♪♫ Doctor please, some more of these
    Outside the door, she took four more
    What a drag it is getting old ♫ ♪♫

    Reply
  • 28. nastylittletruths  |  October 29, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    “All kidding aside, men generally prefer younger women because nature has made them that way, and shouldn’t we all thank the good Lord that it did. To produce healthy babies men have to mate with younger women, hence, the attraction. They’re made that way. They really, literally can’t help it.”

    Now that’s a quotable! But the good Lord also built into us the instinct of self-preservation so I will not quote it to my wife of 25 yeyears… :-) Did ya hear the swish and crack of the whip as I wrote that? Excellent post.

    Reply
  • 29. thegeeman  |  October 29, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    Women over forty are very sexy and hot. I know my wife is 51 and she is hot and sexy. Great post. Great blog.

    Reply
  • 30. Ava Aston's Muckery  |  October 29, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Cougars around the world will love your blog today.

    Ava

    Reply
  • 31. Jacque  |  October 29, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    I wasn’t quite 40, but when I was 37 I married my husband who was only 24. (Same year as Ashton and Demi and they were inspiration for me when I doubted if it could work). It was possible because I did exactly as you say, and I dumped a bunch of the rules that didn’t really matter like:

    1. Never date someone shorter than me.
    2. Don’t date any men under 32
    3. Don’t date anyone who may want to have kids someday–thought I was all done with that.
    4. Don’t date someone who doesn’t make a certain amount of money to contribute to our financial success. And so on.

    It is the best relationship of my life. We have two beautiful little girls now, and I have never been more in love. I’m over 40 now, and life just keeps getting better with this wonderful man who loves me for me!

    Thanks for the great post and congrats on FP!

    Reply
  • 32. truebridgeresources  |  October 29, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    Who even cares if a woman is married or not married???

    When the majority of women in the world have real financial independence — your stereotypes and generalizations of what a woman should be or aspire to, will no doubt fall into that vast toilet of small mindedness. There was a time when the majority of talkers (aka pre-Internet bloggers) thought that slavery was ok. Where’s that thinking today??? In the toilet of sterotypes.

    Reply
  • 33. Jule1  |  October 29, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    I’m a very real woman, no cosmetic surgery, who got married for the first time at 49. I never much cared if I got married, and when it became clear that I would be getting married, I was not humbled or grateful, because my marital status didn’t seem all that important to me.

    I was glad I’d found a man I finally thought would make a good spouse. My sole criteria: he loves ME and he want to take care of me. Oh, and I trust him completely.

    By the way, he is 11 years younger than me. He’s the only younger man I ever dated, for a long time it never occurred to me we would get married, and we took the relationship at a very slow pace (8 years before getting married).

    By the time I met him (41) I’d already realized most of the stuff you mention relaxing about were unimportant. That may be why our relationship worked out and led to marriage.

    Reply
  • 34. Andy ONeill  |  October 29, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    I understand where you are comming from but I don’t think age in relationships is all that important. Being soulmates irrespective of each others age is the key.

    Yeah, generally speaking younger people (not just women) tend to look better they are bound to but looks fade, personality is a far more important

    You talk about relaxing standards, I agree, especially where looks are concerned. We’ve all seen programmes where beautiful women supposedly can’t get a date only to discover they won’t let there standards drop much below Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

    Dating is all about having fun and getting to know members of the opposite sex, no pressure just enjoy yourself and have a good laugh, if anything else comes of it then that’s a bonus.

    If a guy doesn’t criticise his ex’s that’s a good start, go for someone who is kind, likes animals and has the werewithall to look after you. Yeah, everyone likes to be around good looking people but if you have self-belief you shouldn’t need the kudos of having an attractive person on your arm.

    If you want to appear approachable simply smile and laugh a lot when you’re out socialising, men love that in a woman, I think it’s a good idea to frequent the same places so that potential suitors get to know your habits.

    Life begins at forty for both men and women, forty is not at all old these days. Age is all in the mind, you can be old at 20 or young at 80.

    This is a good, from the heart post, I’ll come back and read more.

    Andy.

    http://www.wealthnuggets4u.com

    Reply
    • 35. Cindy  |  October 31, 2010 at 7:03 am

      I’m not even attracted to Brad Pitt and George Clooney. I just have a thing for the tenth Doctor Who as played by David Tennant. I love eccentric geniuses. I am 43 and unfortunately my eccentric genius died late 2003. He was about 7 years younger than me. He also happened to be my only ever boyfriend. People usually think I’m in my twenties so quite often men about my age think I’m probably too young for them. Anyway now I’m too busy looking after our two young children. Right now I prefer my privacy and quiet time because I don’t get very much of it at the moment. So I don’t really feel I NEED a man at this time in my life. Maybe later when my kids aren’t driving me crazy.

      Reply
      • 36. gooseberrybush  |  October 31, 2010 at 11:33 am

        Nobody NEEDS a man. What is that Gloria Steinem quote about the fish and the bicycle? But you’ll notice that she’s one of the examples of famous women who did get married for the first time [well] after 40. The article was about saying that we have choices. I am so very sorry for you loss, but I’m glad you are currently enjoying your life, with out without, a man.

  • 37. Tiny Temper  |  October 29, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Loved this post! I’m a forty-something-year-old dating again, and beginning to despair! I’ve been appraoched by several men in their twenties and one who was only 18. My guess? They’re looking for a Mummy-figure. And all the middle-aged men I’ve met have debilitating issues with women. Male depression rates in the UK are on the rise – and that was before they met me!
    An average woman reaches her sexual peak in her late thirties which is more compatible with a man in his twenties – thus the Toyboy syndrome. Probably nature’s way of giving her a last chance to carry a child before the onset of menopause.
    Really interesting topic :-)

    Reply
  • 38. Scott  |  October 29, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    I found this interesting to read.

    I can’t really relate to this because I’m only 20.

    My girlfriend is two years older than me, and it wouldn’t have mattered if she was eight years older. It’s important to find chemistry in a relationship, not necessarily silly similarities like age.

    I like how you say that women should lower their “drawbridge”. There’s plenty of guys out there, young or old, that are still single and looking for the right woman. Woman can be scary sometimes….Make it easier on those guys.

    Good advice for anyone – even me, I guess.

    Reply
  • 40. Retail Robot  |  October 29, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Congrats on FP! I love love love this article.

    Reply
  • 41. Andy  |  October 29, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    “All kidding aside, men generally prefer younger women because nature has made them that way, and shouldn’t we all thank the good Lord that it did. To produce healthy babies men have to mate with younger women, hence, the attraction. They’re made that way. They really, literally can’t help it.”

    I am here to tell you otherwise. I am 45. My wife and I have 4 kids and grandkids from our oldest adult daughter. While I would not trade these guys for anything, the last thing I would do as a healthy and active mid-aged adult is have babies of my own. My wife would agree as well. Men in their middle age and up are not equipped to emotionally and physically handle the 24/7 demands of toddlers. 15 years ago, no problem. My wife is 45, great personality, healthy, attractive and part of a great foundation in our relationship. We both treat each other like we are 25 and 45.
    Why? Because we have the wisdom and appeal to know how to. That you don’t get when you really are young. You have it to.

    Reply
  • 42. Tracy  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Thank you! I needed this.

    Signed

    40 year old, never married, woman

    Reply
    • 43. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:16 pm

      :)

      You’re welcome.

      Reply
  • 44. Gigi  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Well I was with you UNTIL I
    I read “they really can’t help it they were made that way”.
    Really???

    Reply
    • 45. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:44 pm

      It’s not a license to indulge in bad behavior, but, yeah, I stand by that statement.

      Reply
  • 46. Janis  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    “After 40, it might be time to lower the drawbridge. ”

    Someone has to ask this out loud: WHY?! The castle is nice and neat, quiet, and exactly the way I like it. Why the hell would I want to screw that all up with something that I never wanted when I was younger and still don’t want?

    No one will say this out loud. WHY should I lower the drawbridge? What will I get out of it aside from someone else in MY damn space?

    Reply
    • 47. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:43 pm

      At no point in this post did I say that every woman is meant to be married. I fully acknowledge that it’s every woman’s right to choose. I even mentioned that some women might prefer other women or choose to be single. If you want to be married some day for the companionship, then it’s a good idea to let someone in.

      I think you should do whatever makes you happy and not worry about how the world judges you one way or the other.

      Reply
      • 48. Janis  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:49 pm

        Didn’t realize that just adding my voice was tantamount to accusing you of saying the opposite at any point in your post. Sorry.

  • 49. Andy  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    An article I wrote back last year does not relate completely in context to this writing; however, it does point out a few important things about ourselves to be recognized. “Use your gifts and drive the vehicle instead of letting life drive it for you. Ask the people around you what they think and feel about it to. That is exactly what you are doing right now. ” Relationships are probably included in this category. Don’t you think? Ponder some of the comments and make your move. God Bless you on this day.

    http://westbrookpub.wordpress.com/2009/01/10/simple-gifts/

    Reply
  • 50. notesfromrumbleycottage  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    I enjoyed yur post and the discussion afterwards. For fun, you should see “The Holiday” in which Cameron Daiz talks about that statistic and how now that terrorist thing is real. Congrats on getting freshly pressed.

    Reply
  • 51. sayitinasong  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    LOL! Love Buble at the end! Great post!! Enjoyed the read- and you have done a lot of research. I have found that with age I have indeed relaxed, I don’t take myself nor life so seriously anymore. That’s a good tip for all the singletons out there.

    Reply
  • 52. Odd Sparrow  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    I’m a wedding photographer, and was approached by a bride-to-be who described herself as “getting married later in life.” (I had no idea what to expect as I went to meet her and her fiancee. What does ‘later in life mean? 70’s?) Their wedding was sweet and wonderful, and devoid of a lot of the crazy trappings a lot of brides seem to think they ‘need”. It was a celebration with family and friends to acknowledge that they had, as the bride put it, “finally found each other.”

    http://oddsparrow.wordpress.com/2010/10/05/jane-luke-are-married/

    I don’t believe in old maids.

    Reply
    • 53. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 7:57 pm

      Actually, I don’t, either. ;)

      Reply
    • 54. vibaku  |  October 31, 2010 at 12:38 am

      I Agree Odd Sparrow

      Reply
  • 55. http://twitter.com/geotravel  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    You’ve all been handed a load of crap and swallowed it whole. Men and women at any age are biologically wired to have heathly babies; it’s the contaminated environment in which we all now live that causes couples to have unhealthy babies. Generally speaking men marry younger women because in my opinion these men harbour a secret fright on being left “alone” when a mate dies…so younger mate = a higher chance of outliving his mate.

    Reply
    • 56. a p.  |  November 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

      As a biologist and environmental scientist, I will have to disagree with this statement. Male sperm production falls during middle age, and also more importantly the percentage of malformed sperm is higher. Soo basically, middle aged men have two factors working against a healthy conception. Does the environment amplify the effects? perhaps, but the base realities remain.

      Reply
  • 57. Stop Being a Loser  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    What a great idea for a post. Really enjoyed it!

    Megan

    http://stopbeingaloser.org

    Reply
  • 58. cindylouwho123  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    I find this highly encouraging. I’m on match.com, and most of the men on there state that they want someone younger than themselves. Because of the way match does its screening, that means they won’t even see the profiles of women outside their preferred age range. As a 38 yr. old, I’m sure I don’t get half the traffic on there that a 20 yr. old would get. Maybe not such a bad thing, but I try to keep my age range pretty wide, because you just never know.

    Reply
  • 59. meeshelleneal  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    I am not a woman of a certain age but I still appreciated your in-depth post and all the links.

    Good times :)

    Reply
  • 60. CHG  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    And then there are those of us who are over 40, have been divorced twice, and choose to stay unmarried, even if they are madly in love with their boyfriends of 13 years.

    MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE A GOAL. HAPPINESS SHOULD.

    Reply
    • 61. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:46 pm

      You won’t get any argument from me.

      Reply
  • 62. My Life With Freckles  |  October 29, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Love it. I wrote a a blog a few weeks ago about single life in the thirties as well. Check it out if you like http://bigandsmallfreckles.wordpress.com/category/dating-life/
    This week I heard on the radio that a single woman in over 30 was most likely never going to meet her soul mate. It’s bothered me all week but I just have to believe that God has me single for a reason and has someone who is the right match for me out there. Anyway, loved the blog and the video.

    Reply
  • 63. thelifeofjamie  |  October 29, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    I find this very interesting. I am 32 and if something happened to my husband, I would have to date/marry an older man, because not many “men” my age would want to take on a divorcee and 2 young kids. And since I am head over heels in love with George Clooney and Robert Redford, I think older men might be up my alley anyway! :)

    Reply
    • 64. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 9:41 pm

      Whatever floats your boat. Everyone needs love.
      :)

      Reply
  • 65. Jenifer Mangione Vogt  |  October 29, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    I love this! It’s a great topic and I agree! I also love the song you chose. Brava!

    Reply
  • 66. Annepiphanies  |  October 29, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Thanks for sharing, there is hope! As a single 30 year old I am starting to feel like the minority.

    Reply
  • 67. glacierwave  |  October 29, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Thanks for this blog and links. Nice to know there’s hope and I must say I’ve found some younger men with open minds these days to dating older women, and who can hang mentally. I actually think now would prefer marry a younger man…within reason of course. :-)

    Reply
  • 68. Mulloverthis  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    40 Year Old Women tend to be at their sexual prime. So…since sex and money are two of the most important factors needed to make a marriage work, it seems like men ought to pay attention to prized 40 year olds.

    Reply
  • 69. bgaurano  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    Dating the opposite sex when they are at a young age (18-25) is always a risk. That age bracket hasn’t really solidified who they are or what they want in life. Their insecurities, ego, and misconceptions will ripple into your relationship and create many obstacles… obstacles that even romance won’t be able to conquer.

    Developing a relationship with an older/more mature person is ideal, but people mature at different rates so use your best judgment to discern their maturity level. Nothing says “fail” like a 45 yr old that acts like their 22. ;)

    http://search4divinity.wordpress.com

    Reply
  • 70. K. A. Jordan  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    I didn’t get married until I was almost 41.

    I was too busy.

    Reply
    • 71. londonsingleblog  |  October 30, 2010 at 10:24 pm

      This is the greatest post on here!

      Reply
  • 72. snoringdogstudio  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    This is a disturbing post. Nowhere in it did I read anything, or get the impression, that it’s okay to simply NOT GET MARRIED. Wow. Are there are only two choices to women who don’t want to get married – old maidom or marriage? I’ll look up the stats on how many older women are just fine without being married after I get over my shock.

    “A woman should always have her own address.” Katherine Hepburn

    Reply
    • 73. gooseberrybush  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:58 pm

      “And those statistics are probably not accounting for lesbians or for women who don’t even WANT to get married, for whatever reason.” That’s the actual quote from my blog post. It’s perfectly fine not to get married. That’s your choice. It doesn’t diminish any person’s value to choose not to do so, male or female.

      Reply
    • 74. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson  |  November 1, 2010 at 8:17 pm

      I wish that I still had a Room Of My Own! ;-)

      Reply
  • 75. dyphraxa  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    well, thats quite interesting subject to talk about, but it does depend on many staff. e.g: im from country Georgia and here the middle age of marriage is about 20-24 and for “my ppl” i will be an old maid soon as if im 22 now :)) well, u were saying that men like younger women, but what i see in my generation, mostly they prefer experienced girls, probably becoz that virginity is still important here. i know im bit out of topic, but good subject to discuss, i like it
    good luck

    Reply
  • 76. vcrowley  |  October 29, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    Thanks for the post, although I am sure, inspiring to some, I feel no need to be motivated to find a Husband at 41 having never been married, “for whatever reason”. As a child of divorced parents, who have re-married, divorced, re-married and so on and so forth, I have never wanted to be married. Being in a partnership, or having a live in, ( I feel I am too old to say “I have a boyfriend”) can be a viable solution to the dilemma without the paper and the financial expenditure it takes to say “We are Married!!!”. Marriage is over-rated, ask anyone who has been divorced. As far as being an “old maid”, I much prefer the term “spinster”.

    Reply
    • 77. Cindy  |  October 31, 2010 at 8:00 am

      I thought the preferred term these days was bachelorette as “old maid” and “spinster” both have negative connations of a desperate lonely older woman who has never been married. Old is in the mind. It is suggested that women need to get married while it is good for men to play the field. This is just sexist stereotyping.

      Reply
      • 78. Cindy  |  October 31, 2010 at 8:05 am

        Sorry typo “connotations” not “connations”.

      • 79. gooseberrybush  |  October 31, 2010 at 11:29 am

        I used the term “old maid” with tongue in cheek. It wasn’t meant to be a sociological study on women’s issues delivered at a women’s university. I also find the term old maid to be pejorative. It was used for humor.

  • 80. Paula Loves Marla  |  October 30, 2010 at 12:23 am

    C’mon! This isn’t 1950! A woman is not considered a failure because she doesn’t marry these days. Why is it that we continually fall into this way of thinking??? Pairing off and procreating isn’t the only path available to us humans and we certainly shouldn’t sell ourselves short for not doing so.

    For the record, I have two girlfriends who are 46 and have never married. They are free to do so many things that women with families are usually not. They travel. They have active social lives. They have great careers (most likely because they don’t have to rush home to deal with making dinner and doing homework). They are smart, funny and wonderful to be around. Their unmarried status doesn’t change that.

    Do they occasionally get lonely? Sure they do. There are plenty of unhappily married people who feel lonely in their own homes as well and that wedding ring is cold comfort when things aren’t working out.

    Hopefully your pep talk has helped some of the women out there feel a little better about their situations (if they’re unhappy about it), but please don’t forget that unmarried does not equal failure…..for a woman or a man.

    Thanks for the thought provoking post and congrats on being freshly pressed.

    Reply
    • 81. gooseberrybush  |  October 30, 2010 at 3:01 am

      Thank you, Paula. My point was to let women know that if they wished to be married, then there was no reason not to continue to pursue that dream. I know that marriage isn’t for everyone. And I also think that women shouldn’t be devalued based on their marital status. But there’s nothing wrong with being married, either, and there’s no reason why a woman of any age shouldn’t pursue her dreams, whether they involve marriage and family or any alternative that they should desire.

      Reply
    • 82. one dollar every day  |  October 30, 2010 at 7:07 am

      i have a great career, i have great freinds, i have plenty in my life, but i still feel like a failure right now.

      http://1dollareveryday.wordpress.com/

      Reply
      • 83. Paula Loves Marla  |  October 30, 2010 at 8:46 pm

        It’s so easy to dwell on the stuff we don’t have and lose sight of all the things we do have and what we’ve accomplished.

        Let go of your feelings of failure and try to celebrate the goals you have reached. Keep an open mind and cheerful spirit. Your happy aspect will make you much more alluring to the men who surround you.

        Here’s wishing your dreams become reality.
        *Paula*

  • 84. maryawrites  |  October 30, 2010 at 12:34 am

    Buble is sooo cute. Very cheeky.

    Good post too. Thanks

    Reply
  • 85. Vendetta  |  October 30, 2010 at 12:35 am

    My thing is this, as a 35 yr. old unwed woman, I don’t want to relax my standards. I have no need to get married, I take care of myself. It’s not that I wouldn’t like someone in my life, but I’m so done putting up with men who don’t meet my standards. Why should I have to lower mine? How about a man raise his and meet my standards? I did that in my 20’s, I lowered them, put up with bullshit I shouldn’t have, it still didn’t get me married, it got me screwed over and unhappy.

    What I think women should do, instead of looking for something in someone else, is find their own happiness. Do what you want to do and if you are meant to be married and find the right person, you will. But lowering your standards, unless you literally only want a prince, isn’t going to make you happy. There are tons of self help guru’s out there, mostly men, that all preach the same thing, I bought into it for a while, then I stopped thinking with my hormones and used my brain… one of those special human traits that make us unique and all. I realized, my own happiness is all that matters, and I’m okay alone. I have and can find happiness without a man in my life. I certainly don’t need kids, the human population isn’t at risk if I don’t carry on my genes, so I don’t need a man.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge romantic, I love attention as much as the next person. But I have a brain and I use it. But one thing I’ve learned is that I don’t need to lower anything to find a man to marry and have kids. Ultimately I wouldn’t be happy.

    Reply
    • 86. gooseberrybush  |  October 30, 2010 at 3:10 am

      I don’t think that women should lower their standards on important issues, such as a man’s character, his treatment of you, his values, and his spiritual life or lack thereof. Women should take all those things under consideration when choosing a life partner. Don’t choose liars, men who can’t hold down jobs, men who can’t be polite or considerate or keep their promises. But when it comes to height and age and other superficial, shallow concerns, I think we should relax our standards.

      And I agree that we should make our own happiness. Getting married is not a panacea for all of life’s ills, and your husband isn’t a happiness doctor. That’s an unfair standard as well as a recipe for disaster. But there’s nothing that says that two contented people can’t be more contented in each other’s company.

      Reply
      • 87. Vendetta  |  November 1, 2010 at 2:16 pm

        But I also don’t want to lower my standards as far as attraction either. Superficial it may be, but I work hard to look good for myself. I would hope to have a healthy mate who takes care of himself in that department. I don’t find dirty, fat, poorly dressed men attractive as many men don’t find it attractive in women. I know we all get old and ugly, but clean, stylish, and healthy are extremely important to me. Along with many other things that don’t matter to other women.

        We all have our little hangup’s about what we like and don’t like.
        I guess I just don’t care enough to look for love, or to lower even one bit of my standards. I’m content, why stir that up?

        I know why I’m single, I’m way too particular, I have high standards and there are a lot more women that are desperate enough to put up with less than I am. I don’t think any of my standards are unattainable, too high, or unreasonable however, if I meet my own standards, there should be no reason a man can’t meet them as well.

  • 88. thewondermya  |  October 30, 2010 at 12:38 am

    Hi

    That was a great post. I’d like to share some of my family hisroty. Both my grand mas got maried with men that already had a previous life aka wives and kids. No age limit, even if with their generation morals and limits were stronger than they are now.
    My BF is 52 and I am 33, 19 years old gad ! We might get married next year… One of my auntie got married in her early days, then divorced and she found love after turning 50 with a … 65 years old gentleman. He offered to marry her but she’s not into it any longer.

    So, is there really a need to be married ? And is there really rule somewhere saying that you are not going to one day ?

    Don’t think so. Follow your heart, live your life fully, be the brilliant you and enjoy !

    Reply
  • 89. perfectperfectionist  |  October 30, 2010 at 1:07 am

    Great post, and so true. Men may biologically want to have sex with younger women, but I think when it comes to marrying, having a personality fit will be prioritised. One of my good friends is in her mid-forties, got married two years ago, and they’re still sickeningly cute and in love.

    Reply
  • 90. one sassy soul  |  October 30, 2010 at 1:22 am

    I love reading this. I’m in my twenties…but I’ve been told that I am “intimidating” by some of my male friends. I always just figure…not man enough then! I don’t know, but I really liked reading this!

    Reply
  • 91. zakton  |  October 30, 2010 at 2:20 am

    My advice to unmarried women over 40: exercise and eat right – you’ll look good. Oh … on second thought, that’s my advice to everyone.

    Reply
  • 92. Spacelord  |  October 30, 2010 at 2:23 am

    For me, the acceptable range is 18-25. That wouldn’t change regardless of how old I got. If an older woman is single, I figure there is a good reason for it, and I don’t want to deal with that. Younger girls a simple and more malleable. That is why 90% of men will always go for a younger girl. Plus, a 20-year old in 20 years will only be 40, whereas a 40 year old… Sometimes cars just have too many miles on them.

    Reply
    • 93. qout  |  October 30, 2010 at 6:02 pm

      “I figure there is a good reason for it, and I don’t want to deal with that. Younger girls a simple and more malleable. ”

      Exactly!I It’s not biology – as Spacelord illustrates, it’s twisted power dynamics and the unwillingness to treat women with full respect for their humanity :)

      Reply
      • 94. lauralovesengland  |  October 30, 2010 at 6:33 pm

        Yes, I hope you and your porn live a long and happy life together, Spacelord.

    • 95. Paula Loves Marla  |  October 30, 2010 at 8:49 pm

      Hmmm, I didn’t know 12 year olds were allowed to blog.

      Reply
    • 96. gunsofbrixton  |  October 30, 2010 at 9:20 pm

      Younger girls a simple and more malleable. That is why 90% of men will always go for a younger girl.

      So, in other words, 90% of men are power-hungry control freaks who have no confidence unless in the company of someone who is not very smart or complex. Doesn’t speak very highly of men, now, does it?

      Yes, I suppose in my 40 years I have seen the above to be mostly true– which is why I’ve never wanted to attach myself permanently to any of them!

      (Ask this: where are the reports and investigations and studies and statistics regarding the marriage prospects for the legions of middle-aged men living in their mum’s basements? Or, is there some other reason women’s marriageability is always being publicly rubbed in their faces…? Who conducts and publishes these studies? Likely men who are scared no one will marry them and their buddies unless they are constantly threatening women with name-calling, potential childlessness, social stigma, and possibly irregularly-occurring sexual activity– or, simply, those who are highly motivated to maintain the sexual status quo, right. Think harder, folks, ask different questions and get different answers.)

      Reply
      • 97. Spacelord  |  October 31, 2010 at 7:16 am

        “So, in other words, 90% of men are power-hungry control freaks who have no confidence unless in the company of someone who is not very smart or complex. Doesn’t speak very highly of men, now, does it?”

        Never said I was trying to praise men. And yes, most men, including myself, are power-hungry control freaks. That’s why we start wars. And the last thing most men want is a complex woman. The very idea…

  • 98. yellow  |  October 30, 2010 at 2:51 am

    my mother is 57 years old. she divorced 5 years ago. she has met lots of men youger or older but trust me, they all are immature like teens. the last 2 years she has been seeing this guy who’s not tall, smart and beautiful like she always wanted but she says that she’s too old to ask for more…
    (sorry for my english)

    Reply
  • 99. Ms. Harvey  |  October 30, 2010 at 3:41 am

    Interesting, but not all women want to get married. Personally, I would be happy with a serious boyfriend. I was married for 26 years, divorced almost two years ago. While I had no difficulty dating after my divorce, I did not meet any men I wanted to be more than friends with. My problem is that I look younger than my age, so the guys like me right off the bat. I think that too many people assume that women need to lower their standards to be happy. but people forget that there still has to be an attraction…some chemistry. When people say our standards need to be lowered, they assume that we all want Daniel Craig, Ed Harris or Denzel Washington. Well, ok, I may want them in my fantasy life, but when I meet someone, I’m all about reality.

    Reply
  • 100. aprilshouse  |  October 30, 2010 at 4:21 am

    I think women don’t get married because they are looking for romance instead of friendship. I married my best friend and I’ve never regretted it. Friendship and faith are the glue that hold our relationship together. Not that I don’t think he’s to die for sexy but when I met him, it was the way he made me laugh, his strong faith and the fact that being with him felt right, not his looks or the romance that drew me to him. We were friends first for a long time and then we became lovers and that’s how a relationship is for the most part day in and day out especially when you add kids and business into the mix. PS – he is 4 years younger than me and we’ve been happily married for 12 years.

    Reply
  • 101. Robyn  |  October 30, 2010 at 5:37 am

    I am 43 and would like to know the stats for women over 40 who, in the event there spouse dies or leaves, who never WANT to be married again. My friends and I talk about that all the time. Men are too much work.
    Very interesting post though and you are a marvelous writer!

    Reply
  • 102. one dollar every day  |  October 30, 2010 at 7:01 am

    i hope you are right

    http://1dollareveryday.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  • 103. singlegirlie  |  October 30, 2010 at 7:02 am

    The bit about men being naturally attracted to younger women… I get it. But if we were looking at the greatest chance of procreation, wouldn’t women also be naturally attracted to younger men? Younger men produce more sperm and their sperm are much stronger swimmers, thus increasing the probability of conception. And younger men, as we all know, have less trouble getting it up in the first place.

    Just some food for thought for the cougars and pumas out there :)

    Reply
    • 104. Spacelord  |  October 31, 2010 at 7:20 am

      It doesn’t work that way. Biologically, most men are able to reproduce fine their entire lives. But historically, an older man who is established is better able to take care of the woman. This factor plays a role in the female’s reptile brain.

      Reply
      • 105. gooseberrybush  |  November 1, 2010 at 6:20 am

        The female’s reptile brain? Live long and prosper, Spacelord. Please stop commenting on my blog. Your insulting rhetoric is not welcome here. Find someone else who’s a sexist Neanderthal that you can agree with and comment on his blog. May I suggest either Thanatos or Solomon II? You three would get along beautifully. You all have the same pea sized brain that you collectively share, apparently.

      • 106. Philly Beer Guy  |  November 11, 2010 at 2:06 am

        Actually, “reptile brain” is not insulting, just a type of shorthand to refer to a primitive set of non-cortex cognitive organs that evolved in much simpler animals, yet encode the same functions in humans.

        Scientists who work in evo psych use that term regularly, and without derogation.

        If you’re going to include “research” in your article, here’s a place to start:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindbrain

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triune_brain#The_reptilian_complex

    • 107. dragnet  |  November 12, 2010 at 5:15 am

      “But if we were looking at the greatest chance of procreation, wouldn’t women also be naturally attracted to younger men?”

      Not really. Many men are actually fertile well into their 70s. Yes, their semen isn’t nearly so high quality as when they were younger but women tend place more emphasis on the ability to be a good provider & access to resources than sperm quality—for obvious evopysch reasons. With older women it’s quite a bit different, because pregnancies after 35 are medically classified as “high-risk” and most women have tremendous difficulty conceiving after 40. Women are born with about 400 eggs—but 90 percent of them are gone by 35 and only 3 percent remain by age 40. There really is no comparable drop-off with regard to male fertility. Everything I’ve said here is common knowledge—this really shouldn’t have to pointed out.

      I don’t think it’s sexist or misogynist to acknowledge that men & women are wired differently and value different things in each other. Older women generally do find it tougher not because men are afraid of strong women, etc—but because most men (and most people generally) want to reproduce, and when it comes to having kids it’s obvious that dating/marrying a younger woman is a safer bet. Older men generally have an easier time of it because they are more likely to have what women (especially younger) tend to want—resources & status. Like I said, I don’t see how this is sexist or evil—it’s human.

      Reply
  • 108. batikmania  |  October 30, 2010 at 7:35 am

    It’s interesting.
    I almost there, 40. But isn’t life begins at 40? ;) So I’m looking forward for the beginning stage of my new life ;) But yeah.. I found out that getting older, a man can be even more picky, while it is in contrary for woman. We can’t be so picky, coz man could be “afraid” of us. Well… just consider it as, it’s the bravest knight who would get the best maid, then ;)

    Reply
    • 109. Thag Jones  |  November 10, 2010 at 3:22 pm

      They are not “afraid” of us, lol, unless you mean they’d rather not deal with our bitterness. They just have more options. An older man is generally more picky because he has worked and may have some savings and that makes him more desirable marriage material, therefore, he will have more women to choose from because, assuming he has aged reasonably well, younger women will want him too.

      An older woman is past her reproductive prime, is going to be heading into menopause in 10 years or so, and so is not going to be so attractive for any long haul. Obviously there will be exceptions, but that’s what they are – exceptions. Generally speaking, time is a lot crueller to women than it is to men and there’s no point in trying to sugar coat it.

      Reply
  • 110. Summer  |  October 30, 2010 at 8:19 am

    amazing post! i really believe that :D

    Reply
  • 111. Marianne  |  October 30, 2010 at 9:29 am

    You are sweet to encourage women who are older. But I have been an “old maid” for 40 years, so I don’t think anything will change. When I was younger, it seemed like I only attracted the worst men, so I could not go along with them. I was married once, and he was horrible. Left me with 2 children. Men either treated me like I had leprosy or just wanted me for selfish reasons, but not my kids. So, it has been just me and my kids for almost 40 years (38 years). I will find happiness in the next life. This life does not have much for me. My best wishes are for anyone who has the desire, and still has a chance. May God bless you for your kind thoughts.

    Reply
  • 112. Ω Thanatos Ω  |  October 30, 2010 at 10:35 am

    “What I find most interesting is that men, after the death of a wife, will likely marry again. However, women often don’t need to marry again. I believe this is because women are much stronger and independent than men.”

    If they were more independent than men, then why are women the ones who push for marriage in the first place?

    I liked what this article had to say,especially this part:”All kidding aside, men generally prefer younger women because nature has made them that way, and shouldn’t we all thank the good Lord that it did. To produce healthy babies men have to mate with younger women, hence, the attraction. They’re made that way. They really, literally can’t help it.

    We could talk about how that’s unfair all day long, the biological clock and all, but the plain fact of the matter is that one of a child’s parents should have a good chance of living until it reaches adulthood. Giving a woman a finite number of eggs and years in which to accomplish procreation seems designed to ensure that the kid is not just born but also raised by at least one loving parent.”

    100% truth. Scientifically-verified,in fact.

    Women talk about “gullibility” and such. It has nothing to do with that. A man who can’t get laid with 40 year old women isn’t going to get laid with 20-somethings either,because all women rate men on the exact same criterion.

    Those criterion are:

    Height
    Health
    Social Status
    Resources

    Many women SAY they have other criteria like wit,charm, etc.
    But the truth is, the funniest bald midget in the world will never get any attention from women unless he’s rich.

    If you want to know what women REALLY want in a man, review the checklists from the sperm banks where women obtain semen to fertilize themselves. They always ask for sperm from tall guys,regardless of his hair or eye color or personality.

    Reply
  • 113. FeeBee's space  |  October 30, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Loved reading the comments here. In fact some points made answered questions I’ve been asking myself. From my point of view, I’m nearly 50 … and looking back … I dated so many many men in my 20’s but my focus was more on making a career & studying & travelling, that those years disappeared and I remained single. Then in my 30’s I stopped still to look around, and everyone was married & having children, and I couldn’t find any available men. So I spent a very solitude number of years. Now, from mid 40’s onwards it’s like I’m back in my 20’s. Many marriages have broken up and there is again a huge surplus of separated / divorced men on the market and I’m having an absolute ball!! There are still many times I think I’d really like to get married, but I’ve been on my own so long now I like my own space, so I don’t know if I could fit into the married scene. My life is terrific as a single person. But I guess I still hold out for that “special person” to come into my life. Thank you all for sharing your views.

    Reply
  • 114. Solomon II  |  October 30, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    “Of those women who remain unmarried, they have at least a 40% statistical probability of eventually marrying…”

    “The advice, in a nutshell, is to relax your standards. ”

    So basically, there’s a 60% chance of them NOT marrying, and 100% chance that they won’t be able to marry the men they want. Hmmm. I fail to see the silver lining here.

    All women are born with an inheritance from mother nature. That inheritance is youth and beauty. Many women choose to focus on their career and other personal interests, while squandering that inheritance on the men who respect them the least: flings, one night stands, short term relationships with the latest and greatest bad boy, etc.

    Then they turn 30, tick tock tick tock, and expect that a good man will take their used up carcass off the market simply because she’s awesome.

    It doesn’t always work that way, obviously. This article proves that, though it is frosted in rainbows and unicorns a bit just to make the marriage market’s leftovers feel a little better about themselves.

    Reply
    • 115. gooseberrybush  |  October 30, 2010 at 12:37 pm

      Well, if men with your bitter and sexist attitude are all that’s left of the dating pool, then I wouldn’t mind remaining single. I dare say that the rest of the women who posted here will probably agree with me.

      Reply
      • 116. Solomon II  |  October 30, 2010 at 1:06 pm

        I just lost a bet. I thought it would take at least 10 minutes for the shaming language to begin.

        You worked in “bitter” and “sexist” pretty quickly (entry level at best) but you forgot to add jaded, misogynistic, the fact that I’m not a real man, that I’m a manChild suffering from a Peter Pan complex, the fact that most men don’t think like me, etc.

        But instead of addressing my points and admitting that they’re solid and factual – using YOUR OWN data, you go for the insults. I’m a big boy and I can take it. You might want to work on that though.

        I’m not here to hijack a comments thread, so I’ll go away. Good luck finding your man. You know, the one who will settle for you while wishing to God he could be with that young social media strategist in his department who sleeps with married men. The one who will end up just like you…

  • 117. mbconsulting  |  October 30, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Interesting debate was started regarding the marriage after 40’s!

    I consider that this may happened, but important is if you are looking for this, really want it! It is somehow easy for you to establish a wish and “work” hard for making this dream come true!

    Again, you have to have clear into your mind and honestly ask yourself: “What I am looking for? What I would like to share with the right person? Am I prepared to make compromises and still be happy?”

    Sometimes in spite of all the logical approaches or schemes, there are moments that are bringing to you the right person, right into your face, suddenly, and somehow right from nowhere! It is like a dream, but may happened. If not, please apply the previous paragraph/scheme.

    Statistics are good, but always there are cases that out of the rules, and therefore who guarantee that you are inside the majority or outside the rule?

    Finally, this is a story about chemistry, not not only statistics, in finding or not the right person/soul to share the life!

    Wish you all the best an be happy!

    Sincerely,
    mbconsulting.wordpress.com

    Reply
  • [...] When I was a kid I used to think that it was funny that unmarried women of a certain age were called old maids. So was a kid’s card game and, funnily enough, unpopped popcorn kernels. The unpopped popcorn kernels were a metaphor for something, I think. I was humbled, humbled, I tell you, by the comments of one man named David, from the United Kingdom, on my blo … Read More [...]

    Reply
  • 119. stillsingle  |  October 30, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    I remind myself regularly of the many women I know who married, and had children without technological assistance, over the age of 40. I think ultimately, it is the woman who decides (whether consciously or unciously) if she will be married. Nice post! I’m going to subscribe.

    Reply
    • 120. Paula Loves Marla  |  October 31, 2010 at 3:19 pm

      Ouch! I’m sure those 30 & 40 somethings who are out there yearning for a partner more than anything in the world felt that little jab.

      Reply
  • 121. Suzanne  |  October 30, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    Interesting post! I blog about being married for the first time over age 40 and have found many women approaching me about how to attract love at this later age. I like that you pointed out about “standards.” If there is one thing I’d like to see be removed form the dating scene is the encouragement to produce a long, long list of what you want in a man. I think they lists are counter productive. After all you are marrying a person not a list of charcteristics! Yes, know your deal breakers and have some standards, but stop looking for perfection. You’ll never find it and will be blind to some really great men.

    Also, love your long list of links. Thanks for including my guest post on Luv’em or Leav’em.

    Reply
  • 122. bookjunkie  |  October 30, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    I Love your blog! will be reading alot more just because of this article. you see….I am unmarried and turning 40 very soon and want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this.

    I adore Michael Buble and that song he wrote too….lovely!

    Reply
  • [...] Sincerely, Mbconsulting When I was a kid I used to think that it was funny that unmarried women of a certain age were called old maids. So was a kid’s card game and, funnily enough, unpopped popcorn kernels. The unpopped popcorn kernels were a metaphor for something, I think. I was humbled, humbled, I tell you, by the comments of one man named David, from the United Kingdom, on my blo … Read More [...]

    Reply
  • 124. vkvasista  |  October 30, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    I’ve not been married before and my 30s single by unconscious choice, I would say. Now I’m ready to put myself out there and 40 has felt like awful to start….

    so thanks for a bit of inspiration in a number of ways!!!
    :)

    Reply
  • 125. Happy Saturday! « Lord, Why Am I Still Single?  |  October 30, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    [...] Should Know By the Time We’re 30,” scored a direct hit.  And yesterday’s post, Anecdotal & Statistical Proof That Women Over Forty Are Not Destined To Be Old Maids, was very good too.  Check it [...]

    Reply
  • 126. beetface  |  October 30, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    I am over 40 but have been married so I do not fit the demographic. What is have found through dating is that men in my age range are pretty tainted relationally and forget some common courtesy.
    Growing old alone is not appealing but growing old with someone who is emotionally distant even more unappealing. Not sure what is left. Great blog post

    Reply
  • 127. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson  |  October 30, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Wow, that guy is fascinating. Don’t devote any more of your energy to anything he says. (I wonder if he’s married, and I pity his wife!) Who cares if he has a point or two. I know plenty of women who have waited to get married until after they are 40. (Went to a kick ass wedding this summer, between a 44 year woman and a 54 year old man.) So, Solomon might be right; It isn’t typical, but who aspires to be typical? And who wants to settle? Ewwwwww. I

    So, on the one hand, I want to say “Shove off, Solomon II!”

    But on the other hand, listening to his goofy comments did get you Freshly Pressed, so congratulations to you on your fine writing.

    Just look for inspiration in higher places.

    Come visit me at http://rasjacobson.wordpress.com

    Reply
  • 128. pacho barrios  |  October 30, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    Very interesting piece. Now, as one of your new readers (a single in his forties), I expect the male counterpart.

    Reply
  • 129. Tanya Ruckstuhl-Valenti  |  October 30, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Great blog! As someone who partnered fairly young but secretly have always considered myself old maid material, I feel you were speaking to the road inside not taken.

    Reply
  • 130. ambermartingale  |  October 30, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Callista Flockhart?! Callista! Unless she;s gotten over her fear of eating, she still looks to me like a 70-something stick figure!

    She’s ALYWAYS been too skinny to be healthy, much less ATTRACTIVE!

    Reply
  • 131. Richard  |  October 30, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Yet another column about the trials of older women looking to snag a husband.

    40% chance of getting married after 40. Means there is a 60% chance of NOT getting married after 40.

    The same odds as roling a 5 or a 9 on the crap table in Vegas.

    Your odds of picking the winner in a coin toss are better.

    For those “lucky” 4 out of ten, what are the percentage of a divorce?
    Some studies have given it around 70%.

    If I were a betting man (and I am), I would bet on producers of bridal magazines, divorce lawyers, and women who write colums about the trials of older women looking to get married.
    Never seem to run out of the three above.

    Reply
  • 132. Effi J.  |  October 30, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Gosh, I’m sorry, but as a 37 year-old woman….I have to be honest and say I find your post rather condescending. For starters, I know you may not understand it….but there are many people (men and women) who simply do not want to be married. Secondly, while it’s true men are absolutely more biologically inclined to be attracted to younger women, this is not required to have a healthy baby as you state. For example, a 34-year old woman can have a completely healthy child. There would be no biological need for a 34 year old man to procreate with someone younger. And third, the whole notion of marriage being a guarantee of never being alone or single again is simply false. Spouses fall in love with other people, get bored, grow apart whatever. The idea that marriage somehow locks in happiness, I think is very damaging. Women have enough to deal with without being told to lower their standards to fulfill some sort of marriage fantasy, rather than focus on all the other positive aspects of life.

    Reply
    • 133. gooseberrybush  |  October 30, 2010 at 6:48 pm

      Hi, Effi. If you read some of my comments to other readers on here you’d see that I actually agree with everything you just said except the condescending part. And, to clarify, you don’t have to be a 20 year old to have a healthy baby, but after 35 you run a significant risk of not having one. Do the majority of 35 year old women who get pregnant have healthy babies? Yes, overwhelmingly so. But they run a much higher risk of something bad happening than a woman in her twenties does. That’s why those women are automatically labeled by doctors as “high risk” pregnancies. It’s a medical fact that any doctor will acknowledge. I mentioned that most men prefer younger women, not to say that 20 year old men should go with 12 year olds but to show that most men, regardless of their own age, prefer younger women (as in in their 20s and 30s generally, not as in required to be younger than the man). For the record again, marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness and not everyone wishes to be married. If you don’t, then it doesn’t diminish your value as a person one tiny bit.

      Reply
  • 134. obsidianfactory  |  October 30, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Uh actually anyone can get married at any age and still have kids it depends on Fertility

    And It’s not Nature that men prefer younger women it’s just social bias

    Because you can’t predict which one of the sex will die.

    Reply
  • 135. AR Sabir  |  October 30, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    You made many good points, one of my cousins got married at age 50, and some of my friends were married at age forty plus.

    Reply
  • 136. lee darby  |  October 30, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    check out what I think about women over 40

    Reply
    • 137. gooseberrybush  |  October 31, 2010 at 12:55 am

      I did, and I also posted what I think about your situation. I’m so sorry for you. You can do better.

      Reply
  • 138. Louella  |  October 30, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    Ohhh I wrote a blog about my once impending marriage with Mr. Buble… lol

    Turns out he got engaged and it wasn’t appropriate anymore!

    Im 31. soon to be 32, and I feel like I am doomed to be a spinster! I still love a man who has since married and couldn’t be with even should I want to. (which I don’t – hard lesson to learn is not everything that you want is good for you)

    That being Pathetic and all, I also have those battle scar things, and dont want to cry about men ever again!

    Greys Anatomy episodes fill my tear quota each week. And for the off season, I have every single episode on DVD.

    Reply
  • 139. angejay18  |  October 30, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    interesting. As a women who is 40 I can honestly ssay until a tear or so ago I had never wanted to be married that doesn’t however mean I didn’t want a long term reliable partner but for some reason recently I would like to find a man to marry must be something about being 40

    Reply
  • 140. Louella  |  October 30, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    To effi J;

    ‘The idea that marriage somehow locks in happiness, I think is very damaging. Women have enough to deal with without being told to lower their standards to fulfill some sort of marriage fantasy, rather than focus on all the other positive aspects of life.’

    I didnt get that from this post. Over all it felt light hearted, and merely provided some suggestions about how to create more opportunities for yourself should you wish to find a partner.
    -> I.e. Focus on the character of a person rather than whether or not they are asthetically pleasing as Brad Pit or Shemare Moore. (does anyone else find him handsome?)

    Through my romantic life experiences, my standards of what I find high quality in a man has changed.

    HIgh cheek bones and a speed bump ‘belly n ches’t counted more when I was younger. Now I appreciate commitment to family, loyalty, honesty – all that nice hard to come by stuff.

    Legs I considered excessively hairy would have PUT a stop on any romantic interest in my younger years.

    Now at the ripe old age of 31, I’d date a werewolf if I admired his sense of integrity.

    I do agree, that no social status, marital or other provides a guarantee of happiness. Nothing does. But I don’t think that is what was stated here (I could be wrong, as it’s not my post).

    I also think, that to some women. Marriage and or getting married and sharing a family together is something that is extremely important and takes priority.

    When it is not present, that can sometimes be concerning and upsetting.

    Yes there are so many other positive aspects to life, but in the end, to what degree we prioritse them and they have meaning for us is a personal matter.

    Acting like it doesn’t matter to you when it does is not healthy – in my opinion.

    Reply
  • 141. llinaaaa  |  October 30, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    hi

    Reply
  • 142. arizona89  |  October 31, 2010 at 12:48 am

    Interesting thoughts! I enjoyed all the links you posted.

    Reply
  • 143. Peter  |  October 31, 2010 at 2:27 am

    Everyone knows 40 is the new 30.
    Age is just a state of mind.

    Reply
  • 144. Johanna Clearfield  |  October 31, 2010 at 2:43 am

    i would like to marry the cutie in the video. we would be 20 years apart. end scene.

    Reply
  • 145. cbgrace  |  October 31, 2010 at 4:54 am

    At age 35 I married my 30 year old husband…a first marriage for both of us. I think the trends are changing. Younger men are realizing they can marry an established “older” woman who is ready to stay home(or at least close to home) and have a family. Several of my close friends also have younger husbands. And my husband is a hotty, rock star type…definately not a left over last pick. :D

    Reply
  • 146. multilingualservicesllc  |  October 31, 2010 at 5:02 am

    Don’t lower your standards, ever!
    …. and if the person who you are meant to be with is younger, the more power to you. Women get tired, very quickly, of much older mates — while women will enjoy younger mates throughout their lives.

    Reply
  • 147. meandswoo  |  October 31, 2010 at 8:42 am

    As a person of well over forty I find this all very disturbing. I thought the seventies (the era not the age) were all about learning thst people are people, gender differences are socially determined. One of the most interesting thisngs about being a human being is we have considerable ability to ignore biology. Was that a link to an article in The Daily Mail I saw? Not a good source of accurate, scientific information.

    Reply
  • 148. Alba Mbengue Arroyo  |  October 31, 2010 at 9:13 am

    Helloooooooo!!

    Reply
    • 149. gooseberrybush  |  October 31, 2010 at 11:26 am

      Hellooooooooo!

      Reply
  • 150. Lisa Bee  |  October 31, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    TRUE! My prince married me and became King when I was over 40! Believe me, I’m no princess. Wrinkles, Grey hair, etc. As a co-workers, we became room-mates, then best friends, then married lovers.

    Mr. Right had been right there, in front of me and beside me, for a long while. I was wasting my time with some crap-for-brains no-integrity loser at the time.

    People, you can’t say yes to the good ones until the bad ones are GONE. Turn your backs on all who would mistreat you. When you have found yourself, your soul mate appears!

    Reply
  • 151. LEXLIBRESINFORMATION  |  October 31, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    How could a 28 years old unmarried guy reacts with this blog. hehe. . . Well, I agree that you should marry someone who is closer to your age. . . :)

    Reply
  • 152. Lisa Bee  |  October 31, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    “Prince” and “King” and “soul-mate” may sound all smarmy and Cinderella-esque, but let me assure you, he IS the King and I AM the Queen of our sanctuary. We define the experience within the walls of our little tiny palace.

    We face the external stuff thrown at us TOGETHER, by locking arms, NOT locking horns. We are simply old enough to know better.

    Age does mean something, it is not just a number. Age is accumulated wisdom. I’m so glad I didn’t marry the first three schmucks that came along!

    Reply
  • 153. divkay  |  October 31, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Nice post!
    I agree that we need to relax our standards as well. Not just in our forties (some of us aren’t there yet) but those inching toward it… even past it, those hurt by relationships, those that are single parents, etc. but…

    not so lax that we marry just anyone!

    That, we’ll surely regret.

    Reply
  • 154. solutions00  |  October 31, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    My husband is almost 21 years younger than me. We’ve been married for 5 1/2 years. He’s handsome, thoughtful, intelligent, healthy, building a thriving business and loves to make me laugh. After five layoffs, I’m in grad school and doing the marketing and accounting for the business. We married when he was 27 and I was 47. Our only marriage. Our strength together comes from our spiritual connection and our positive attitudes. Strangers still comment on what a cute couple we are together. I have really good genes, and an even better attitude and that makes all the difference. We both think we married an amazing person. And we did! Anything is possible with a good attitude and vision. – Blessed and Delighted

    Reply
  • 155. Sixthirtythree  |  October 31, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    I have my standards of what I want in a man and I’m sticking to them.

    Reply
  • 156. reginadabean  |  October 31, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Thank You for posting :) As a 30 year old who is watching all of her friends get married and have kids, even if it isn’t something you personally want (in my case, that would be the kids) it is rough watching everyone else go through these life “accomplishments”–for lack of a better word. It is heartining to know there are other people out there with the same problems–and who have been successful at their personal goals, no matter what age they are :)

    Reply
  • 157. sitaji  |  October 31, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    I prefer the term spinster. :)

    http://bollywoodfoodclub.wordpress.com/2008/06/06/916/

    Reply
  • 158. Ron  |  October 31, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Liked your article. As a 64 yr. old single man I have some thoughts on the matter. I tend to look for a woman 20 yrs. younger than me but not for the reasons most think. It is because I think and act 20 yrs. younger. Also, as you mentioned, the baggage (battle scars) of older women is often mountainous and the libido gone. They are also mostly overweight, unhealthy and as opinionated as I am. It seems it is politically incorrect to discriminate against fat people in the nation of the obese. A woman’s body is a thing of wonder and to me it is a crime against nature to let it become a blob of lard. Sadly, most people in america don’t understand, and don’t want to know, the cause of their overweight condition. You can find out on Dr Mercola’s site.

    I would be glad to find a woman my age that was fit and not full of neurosis and cupcakes.

    Yep, I know I have my baggage too.

    Good work on encouraging women to let down the guard a bit as that is really tiring.

    Reply
  • 159. Emang  |  October 31, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    Hi there! I read what your blog is about. I wonder what your thoughts might be on women in the workplace, especially in male dominated fields such as science, engineering, technology and the built environment. Ref: http://theukrc.org/

    Reply
    • 160. gooseberrybush  |  October 31, 2010 at 5:46 pm

      Hi! My thoughts on women in the workplace is that women should be in the workplace in all the same fields as men are successful in. Women should do what they enjoy and what they have an affinity for, and it’s a shame that in the United States and, I guess, in the United Kingdom, we seem to be suffering from a cultural bias that predisposes boys to math and science professions while supposing that girls will naturally not be inclined that way. This is especially true given the pay discrepancies between professions that have been traditionally “female” versus those that have been traditionally “male.”

      I’d love to see a world where there were just as many scientists and engineers that are women as men. I’d also love to see a world where there are just as many stay at home husbands as stay at home wives. I don’t think it will happen in my lifetime, but it definitely won’t happen if we sit back and be quiet and maintain the status quo. I might write a post about that in the future. Thank you for the inspiration.

      Reply
  • 161. dailymail1  |  October 31, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    I too am an over 40 not old maid……and was inexlpicably drawn to your page by that striking young man in the photo- michael BUBBLE as my mother calls him….mmmmm :)

    Reply
  • 162. Matt  |  October 31, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Good blog. I respectfully disagree with what you said “men generally prefer younger women…” For the record, I’ve been married happily for 7 years.

    But speaking from experience, and all biological clocks aside, I have been with a younger woman and it was mortifying. I was with her for about a month and I wanted to claw my own eyes out.

    Why’d we get together, then? We had a few common interests and we had a chemistry together. Not just physical chemistry, either. If I was given my druthers, I would always pick a woman a little older than me, they seem to have a better idea of who they are.

    Reply
  • [...] song from one blog on wordpress that posted something about women in 40s who still have hopes of getting married and not destined to be old maids. The article was good. Funny and interesting article. Nope. I’m not forty yet and that will [...]

    Reply
  • 164. y  |  October 31, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    I enjoyed reading this post. Thanks and I love the Michael Buble song. :)

    Reply
  • 165. maydelory  |  October 31, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    I’ve a story on my Word Press blog for those of you still hopeful; it’s on weddings. Thanks!

    Reply
  • 166. bertagna  |  November 1, 2010 at 1:51 am

    The day that a woman became president of Brazil http://t.co/IIBwU8E

    Reply
  • 167. Kreuzberg-Jakob  |  November 1, 2010 at 2:27 am

    It’s a well known fact, that women have their sexual and psychical most active time between 32 and 48, but men over 30 often have 1 leg into their grave than. They are most activ until 35 – and many of them are lookin like 50 at this age!

    Nowadays, many girls are brought up and educated in a way that they expect from life nothing more than a roof over their head, no freeze and a full filled belly. They are afraid of sexual relations. This is not surprising when one considers the manner of their experiences, Whatt’s taught them, is that they must be ashamed to be no men. Now reached the economic situation makes it impossible for a young woman to live independently if their parents were not wealthy. I’m 60 years soon. If I goto my preferred dance floor – where is good music and people in my age (mainly male), I see more and more young girls below 20 years – looking for a husband with no sexual claims and not dirty, stinky or vicious, who can pay for an appartement – big enough for two, and glad to get a young woman.
    This is the absolutely worst and most destructive form of prostitution!
    She gives her life for shelter! And he thinks: “Give me your youth, I will feed you!” – like the Romans did with their slaves.
    No free day, no Sunday nor holiday – and no way out!
    Besides the man is rich! But there in the disco are no rich men.

    Basically I want to add, that there is not a trace of truth in all the US gender studies! – It’s paid by the industries, like all the “SCIENCE”. Science is away from knowledge and research now! Research is no longer seeking new techniques and don’t make real discoveries, but just have to calculate and prove theories, which are often quite obvious nonsense! As it is usual in politics, banking, trade and trafficking too.

    Reply
  • 168. BHavEEka  |  November 1, 2010 at 5:32 am

    Marriage and love is always about good decision…hope every body will make a good decision at the right age!!! :)

    Reply
  • 169. Sierra Smart  |  November 1, 2010 at 6:27 am

    Great article! It’s very sex and the city which I love! I think women are taking more time to put their stamp on things hence why being a “cougar” is looked at as desirable.

    http://sierrasmart.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  • 170. keep me close to your heart «  |  November 1, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    [...] anyway hehe this is damn funny: http://gooseberrybush.wordpress.com/2010/10/29/anecdotal-statistical-proof-that-women-over-forty-are… [...]

    Reply
  • 171. youngtimerblog  |  November 1, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    That’s entertainment on a great intellectual level!
    excellent

    Reply
  • 172. Ms. Ricafort  |  November 1, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Hi. I am 44 years old and is in a relationship, illicit though, with a 24 year old. We’ve been together for 4 years. I read an article that women in this kind of May-December love affair tend to die earlier than normal because of stress. It seem different with me, I was never more alive, I was never more inspired. But I keep it a secret to protect him and because I am not strong enough to defy societal norms. He gives me more than he can but I always end up wanting more. I want to keep this relationship forever, albeit in wraps and under the shadows. I hope I can. It gets lonely sometimes that I cannot get it out in the open but I am willing to sacrifice. It gets emotionally hard sometimes with the reality that he is young and will soon try out the world on is own terms but I am willing to go where this will lead me and see what is in store.

    Reply
  • 173. stacy  |  November 1, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Thanks for a great post! As an unmarried woman knocking on the door of 40, I haven’t lost hope and glad to see so many who haven’t either. Well done.

    Reply
  • 174. serenasnoad  |  November 1, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    hmm. thought provoking stuff.

    Reply
  • 175. sierramay  |  November 1, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Doesn’t it make more sense in our day and age for women to marry after 40 anyways? My mom always tells me I won’t know a thing about life until AFTER I hit forty anyways lol.

    Reply
  • 176. TEVG  |  November 1, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    It takes a helll of a lot longer to get out of a mess then it does to get into one. That’s the best advise I can offer.

    Reply
  • 177. catpartyproductions  |  November 2, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Anecdotal evidence is obviously the best evidence!

    Also, as for statistics, they can pretty much be skewed to imply whatever you want. There seems to be a lot of implied logic in this post that doesn’t necessarily translate to actually measure anything.

    Obviously the most enticing part of this post is the title. My advice: go live your life and be happy. If you’re a woman and older 40 enjoy yourself – you’re a lot more likely to be found attractive and get married if you’re happy than if you spend your time searching for random blogs and statistics that tell you all is not lost, you will get married.

    Worst case scenario – you end up living a happy life, with or without a significant other. This is by no means a tragedy and doesn’t mean you can’t share your life with friends and family in just as meaningful and intimate ways.

    Reply
  • 178. gooseberrybush  |  November 2, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    I think I love you. Good luck on the web series.

    Reply
  • 179. jake  |  November 3, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    jake…

    excelent post, keep it coming…

    Reply
  • 180. Hamatonbetsu  |  November 5, 2010 at 3:29 am

    This is a good blog message, I will keep the post in my mind. If you can add more video and pictures can be much better. Because they help much clear understanding. :) thanks Hamatonbetsu.

    Reply
  • 181. Murielle  |  November 5, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    I’m in my late thirties (already!) and I do not want to get married.
    I could do with a lovely, caring, sexy and funny man in my life though! Is that too much too ask? However I think age is irrelevant. It’s all about feeling good in your own skin and being ready to meet anyone anywhere with no preconception or idea of the ideal man. I had younger and older boyfriends. Neither me nor them were bothered by the age gap.
    I recently posted about how I was becoming the man I wanted to “marry” (to paraphrase Gloria Steinem).
    In the meantime I think we should enjoy life, make friends, be ready to be surprised and love will come at some point. Thank god, happiness doesn’t start with marriage!

    Reply
  • 182. fashionelle  |  November 6, 2010 at 1:22 am

    ok, you might be surprised that a maybe 14 year old is on this blog but i think it’s pretty false. I mean you may be able to say i don’t understand anything in love but i’ve seen so many people. and some of the worst marriages are of women over 40. If they couldn’t find a husband in their riper years, how can they find a husband in their 40’s. My school principal is like 40 something and she’s not married and i think she never was. how sad is that, not for her but for us. she tortures us! anytime she saw me nd my boyfriend holding hands or him and me walking through the hallway and he’s hugging me around the hip it got her so pissed. She’d like tell us we’re not a good example for younger people in our school, but its not like we were making love in the middle of the hallway. So, single or women who only got married after 40 are not cool

    Reply
    • 183. gooseberrybush  |  November 6, 2010 at 1:33 am

      Hi, fashionelle. I’m not surprised. I had many people respond to this blog post, each with their own unique perspective. Some men commented that they found their over 40 wives sexier than younger women and took issue with what I said about men preferring younger women. Some women took issue with the fact that they thought I was implying that all women should be married or that women who don’t get married might be worthless. One woman hated all single women over forty because her husband cheated on her with one single woman over 40, and somehow she sadly thought that that meant that all women over 40 suddenly lose their morals if they’re not married. Some men who, no doubt, have their own dating difficulties, said some ugly bitter things about women in general. I think you all have the right to comment and state your opinion, whether I agree with it or not. Being young doesn’t mean that you don’t have your own unique perspective and opinions to share. Maybe you will change your mind when you’re my age, and maybe you won’t. It doesn’t mean that you’re still not entitled to your opinion or that it’s any less valid than anyone else’s just because you are young.

      Reply
      • 184. fashionelle  |  November 7, 2010 at 1:14 am

        i live in turkey so, i’m already engaged. but i’m pretty happy with my choice and hope we go far in life together.

  • 185. ambermartingale  |  November 6, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    What I find more surpring is how well fashinelle expressed herself. I wasnlt as good at expressing myself (either speaking or writing) when I was fourteen so I congratulate her.

    Kudos, swrrtie, for being able to express yourself as well as you have fashionelle.

    Reply
  • 186. Gunslingergregi  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    ”””’There was a time when the majority of talkers (aka pre-Internet bloggers) thought that slavery was ok. ”””’

    People think slavery is ok now.

    If a man works and only keeps 20 percent of his income then isn’t that comeing pretty close to slavery. Paying taxes, child support, and alimony.

    Get rid of that and truly let men and woman be equal to have relationships and to end relationships. We need to have equality not entitlement.

    Reply
    • 187. gooseberrybush  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:13 pm

      I agree that we need to have equality. When men vote for the Equal Rights Amendment and women start getting equal pay for equal work, then we won’t need alimony. As for child support, that’s for your child. If you don’t want to pay child support, then don’t have a child. Otherwise, male or female, you’re nothing but a deadbeat. Maybe you think that children should also work for their keep or that you should be able to end that relationship as well.

      Reply
    • 188. Louella Pettit  |  November 11, 2010 at 12:08 am

      Paying taxes is something that everyone does and should do to contribute to their communities.

      Child Support is to support children that you are responsible for having. If you dont want children, dont have unprotected sex. Children Cost money to raise and care for – whether or not you are present in their lives for whatever reason. Your CHILD – YOUR responsibility!

      As for Alimony – I dont understand that concept. I believe that when you are no longer in a relationship or marriage for whatever reason, you are responsible for earning and or sourcing your own income. To say that someone else should be responsible for catering to your lifestyle that is now clearly different.

      Man or woman – leave a relationship, then you leave with whatever you brought into the relationship as well as half of what you created TOGETHER. – This includes debt as well as shared gain.

      Relationships should not be about what you have in my opinion, and if less were about materialistic posessions and keeping up with the joneses.. more of them might work out for the better.

      Reply
      • 189. gooseberrybush  |  November 11, 2010 at 12:11 am

        Very well said, Louella. Thank you.

  • 190. Gunslingergregi  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:10 pm

    Otherwise you will continue to have men like me who refuse to marry a woman from the states after seeing what happens to their dad in divorce.

    Lets give men and woman a chance to be happy and quit trying to enslave people to one person or another.

    Reply
  • 191. Gunslingergregi  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    ””””. gooseberrybush | November 10, 2010 at 11:13 pm
    I agree that we need to have equality. When men vote for the Equal Rights Amendment and women start getting equal pay for equal work, then we won’t need alimony.
    ”””””
    My sister makes more than me. Are you saying she should make the same?
    How can equal pay be enforced for equal work?
    When I was in iraq woman were not in the infantry.
    Woman were not working as mechanics, generator mechanics, HVAC technicians, Carpenters, Electricians (there was one female electrician who was paid exactly the same as a man).
    Woman don’t do equal work as a man.
    They usually from what I saw for the work they did got paid the same or more than a man for work that had less of an impact.
    Like administrative specialist was getting paid the same as a foreman but the woman had no responsibility for getting fired for poor performance and no responsibility for other people’s work only her own.
    Companies allready have lists of job titles and they pay the same for the same hours.
    You are not making any sense on that one.
    If it was equal pay for equal work men would make way more than they do. Look at the wages for where things are actually getting built or where if the work wasn’t done it would ruin society. Those jobs pay less than the average. Like welder. How many female welders do you know that are dieing to get into that job to get the equal pay of a man. Boiler cleaner woman dieing to do that. Vehicle mechanic oh yea woman all over it. Repair heavy construction equipment? See any woman on that?
    How bout road repair?
    I don’t mean carrying the sign I mean shoveling tar or breaking up the road with a pick and shovel. How bout carpentry where you build a deck or a house? See any woman doing that?
    See a lot of woman in selling real estate making good money. Working in legal offices but not lawyers making good money. Lot of office jobs where they don’t get dirty.

    Just like you look at woman talking about having a certain pertentage of woman in politics. How is that even posible in a democracy?

    So yea with that kind of attitude it is hard to feel bad for you and your quest.

    You think you need some law to make you equal rather than just being equal.
    Course men and woman will never be equal woman will always be able to marry the rich man who already put in all that work and all the woman has to have is youth and the ability to make children.
    So it can only ever be somewhat equal never completely equal.
    A guy will always have less options as far as free rides but if he works hard he can do well at the moment of course that is changing as woman keep getting these special priviledge laws on the books. The only one who has no rights is the white male which makes the white male the minority. Funny shit right equal he he he

    Hey my dad and uncle didn’t need child support or alimony to raise the kids.
    I gues you are right men and woman not equal men are better and more responsible for there own choices. Woman like you need to have someone pay for there woman power and achievment. Achievement of what a free ride?
    lol how is that progressive. Sounds like what has been going on for hundreds of years. Alimony been going on for 200 years. So how can that be a new thing.

    Reply
  • 192. Gunslingergregi  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    ””””then we won’t need alimony. ”””

    So the real reason for marriage comes out.

    Kind of sad really to have it reduced to money.

    But that is what I have been telling guys get your money together and you can have a good time with woman because that is all they care about.

    Reply
  • 193. Gunslingergregi  |  November 10, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    So men of the west just make sure not to get married. I mean who needs to get married when you have companionship and love. Just enjoy each others company and that should be enough. No need to make it legally binding when it doesn’t benefit a man at all.

    Reply
    • 194. Louella Pettit  |  November 11, 2010 at 12:38 am

      After 6 months of living together here in Australia – you are considered into a defacto marriage and have almost the same rights of being in an official marriage.

      Defacto marriages are recognised by all government departments including the Tax Office.

      If done right – marriage does benefit both parties – in many ways. The institution of Marriage was NEVER meant to be about Money and in my opinion should not be now.

      I guess the current state of affairs could be attritbuted to soceities ever moving bar that dictates moral decency.

      The bar is continually pushed and has been throughout the generations. People place less boundaries apon their own behaviour.

      What’s considered Moral and Decent behaviour now, was outrageous years ago. There are Pro’s and Cons to this.

      YES – more personal gratification, and quicker… YAY (says the person who lacks the ability to consider consequence).

      NOW, we have a high divorce rate, people aren’t even getting married to have children let alone have sex, and many think nothing of cheating on their husband and or wife when they get a little bored…. depressed, or.. God forbid – Feel neglected (they just didnt pay me enough attention and I needed to feel wanted)…

      We can work on improving things with the system, but this is the price we pay for an ever evolving society.

      In the end, it comes down to personal conduct.
      Act responsibly, consider your actions, take responsibility for your choices and continually work on your character.

      We may still be ‘done over’ at some point, BUT the chances would be less, and we’d walk with what really counts at the end of the day – our integrity.

      Reply
  • 195. gunsofbrixton  |  November 11, 2010 at 12:14 am

    Gunslingergregi wrote: “No need to make [marriage] legally binding when it doesn’t benefit a man at all.”

    If you would really like to learn why marriage was invented, why it has been commanded by various religions, and why it has been and continues to be legislated by various governments– specifically if you would like to learn how marriage benefits men, I recommend reading <The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State. However, if you just want to present your own personal opinions and anecdotes, please at least recognise that neither are facts, especially not universal ones.

    Reply
  • 196. Gunslingergregi  |  November 11, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Fact man has to stay in the military for 20 years to get his retirement check.

    Woman can be just married to him for 7 years to get half his retirement check.

    You see anything equal there?

    ””””why it has been commanded by various religions”””

    Yea well when you look in the bible and read the passage about the good woman. It says nothing about the woman begging for child support and alimony or equal pay. It tells her to be proactive and start her own businesses and take care of her family by the sweat of her own brow and to make her husband look good. It doesn’t say anything about enslaving her husband to her at gunpoint by the state nor does it say the husband owes her money for getting divorced and her doing nothing in return.

    ”””””After 6 months of living together here in Australia – you are considered into a defacto marriage and have almost the same rights of being in an official marriage.””””’

    Yea it is funny how we are heading to the point where men will not be able to even date woman from the west without becoming magically married and getting all those “benefits” of marriage. So forced marriage whether you want it or not.
    Anyone seeing how people are not free nor have they been. Shit would be comedy if it wasn’t actuallly real life in the real world.

    Reply
    • 197. Louella  |  November 11, 2010 at 3:03 pm

      *Blank Stare*

      Reply
  • 198. Gunslingergregi  |  November 11, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Fact my father and uncle raised there own kids without the mother and without child support and alimony.

    They were deadbeat moms lol

    Yet nobody threw them in jail.

    http://articles.cnn.com/2009-04-08/living/out.of.wedlock.births_1_out-of-wedlock-unwed-mothers-wedding-dress?_s=PM:LIVING

    ”””””Nearly 40 percent of babies born in the United States in 2007 were … The 1.7 million out-of-wedlock births, of 4.3 million total births, …””””””

    It is looking like it is becoming pretty universal to me.
    he he he

    Reply
    • 199. Louella  |  November 11, 2010 at 3:26 pm

      Mr Gunslinger, everyone, you included is entitled to their own opinions. If you read back, looking at the comments you have made to other peoples responses, you may notice 2 things;

      1) You are manipulating peoples comments to be negative , even when some of those comments are in support of some of your own ideas.
      You have enough words of your own to say what you need to say – it is not necessary to twist everyones elses comments around to support your own already voiced opinions.

      2) The way you have done it could be percieved as forceful, repetative and generalised

      AS I read your comments, they seem irrational and lack reasoning. This is in spite of the fact (and you will note from my previousl comment) That I agree with you on atleast one point and feel that neither partner should receieve any alimony.

      We all have our unique personal experiences, and from those we can learn.

      But we also need to understand that others have their unique experiences also, and bullying people to see things the way you percieve them is usually not well recieved.

      Just a suggestion – to have meaningful discussion – if thats what you might like, try relating to and understanding the views of others, even if you do not agree with them. We can disagree with someone without beating them over the head with a literary block of cement.

      Reply
  • 200. Gunslingergregi  |  November 11, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    ”””’NOW, we have a high divorce rate”””

    That is probably the biggest misconception that now the divorce rate is bad at 50 percent of marriages.

    It has been like that for a hundred year and still men are supposed to pay when it fails.

    It is known to fail.

    It is guarranteed to fail basically 50 percent of time.

    It is not some wierd phenomena now it is not some new thing that happened. It has been like that.

    Reply
    • 201. gooseberrybush  |  November 12, 2010 at 12:27 pm

      The “alimony” you speak of doesn’t exist in many American states. It was originally intended as a protection for women who sacrificed an education and career in order to support their mates and raise their children. What was happening was that men were suddenly leaving their wives for newer, younger models after years of sacrifice on the part of these women. The law was intended to see to it that they could live a decent life until they could complete the education and job experience necessary to care for themselves.

      Alimony is applied to both sexes in America. Do men have to pay it more often? Probably. Why? Because THEY GENERALLY MAKE MORE MONEY THAN THEIR WIVES. But women pay alimony also. Just ask Kirstie Alley if you don’t believe me. People of both sexes will take advantage of the wealthy. Barbara Hutton and Doris Duke are great examples Unscrupulous men and women will always prey upon people with resources. It’s not something that only women do.

      Reply
      • 202. Louella  |  November 12, 2010 at 12:51 pm

        Thanks for finding the words that I couldnt while I tried to figure out where to start!

      • 203. Gunslingergregi  |  November 12, 2010 at 4:04 pm

        So that might be why men are gonna run the other way when more of them start to understand how you can’t reason with woman and that marriage is just a fraud in the west.

        When you work and sacrifice for a company for 20 years and they don’t have pension plan do you get alimony?

        If you start not producing for the company do you not get fired?

      • 204. Gunslingergregi  |  November 12, 2010 at 4:08 pm

        Course the good part is there are still places in the world where you can get married and divorced as if both people were actually adults responsible for themselves and their actions with no government intrusion into it.

  • 205. Louella  |  November 11, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    **Blank Stare**

    Reply
    • 206. gooseberrybush  |  November 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm

      LOL

      Reply
  • 207. Marvin  |  November 11, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    I was 32 and my wife-to-be was 47 when I met her. We’ve been married for ten years now. We get along great. We fucked like bunnies for the first year or so, but we got that out of our system pretty quickly. It wouldn’t have worked after that if we weren’t so emotionally and intellectually compatible. She’s a great partner, and I’m glad I found her. She’s glad she found me.

    BUT, and there’s a big BUT, I think we are an anomaly. Most other women I know who are over 40 are never-married and lonely, divorced and lonely, widowed and lonely, or married and miserable. The only ones who don’t fit that mold are the lesbians, and they’re usually partnered with another old bitter lesbian – and they’re miserable. Ergo, my personal observations contradict your stats. I’m going with my personal observations, in this case. Sorry. ;-)

    Reply
  • 208. Gunslingergregi  |  November 12, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    I know there are other solutions than enslaving people. My wife is taken care of and doesn’t have to worry about robbing me for my money. I freely gave her chunks of it so her house paid off and she makes enough to live. So she is an actually empowered woman but doesn’t live in the west.
    That should tell you something. Your doing it wrong.
    Teamwork is the answer.

    Reply
  • 209. Gunslingergregi  |  November 12, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    She doesn’t have all the bullshit we need to be equal crap.

    What equally enslaved to working lol

    Only 3 percent of people are rich.

    How many are financially independant?

    Equal is crap I don’t want to be equal with men or woman.

    I want to be free.

    Reply
  • 210. Gunslingergregi  |  November 12, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    Good Luck though on life.

    mout

    Reply
  • 211. Anonymous age 68  |  November 12, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    I did considerable legal research in the 80’s on divorce issues, as part of my participation in a Father’s Rights Group. I found absolutely nothing anywhere in any court ruling which showed men have a legally guaranteed right of any kind in a legal marriage. All legal issues come down to property rights, and mostly involving a transfer from men to women. In 1984, I challenged people to find me any enforceable benefit for men in marriage, and 26 years later I am still waiting. Yet, all many of you can do when a man tells you that is use insults and shaming language.

    Note to gunslinger: I write from Mexico.

    However, the major issue in this posting is the phony claims about the percentage of women who marry at least once by age 40. I think you said 80%. Other bloggers who also lack math skills are saying 90%. So, which is it?

    However, the problem is when someone assumes this will continue to be true. It will not.

    Those who are 40 today, on average married around 1995. Check it out.

    In 1995, each year over 50 out of each 1,000 unmarried women married. In 2008, it was down to less than 38 of each 1,000 unmarried women married. There is plenty of reason to believe the marriage rate continues to fall, as it has done in Australia and NZ and other nations with anti-male marriage and divorce laws.

    There are some individuals who have done some amazing side steps to ignore basic math on this issue. However, it is impossible when the rate of something changes, for the result to stay the same. This is simple math.

    To say that since women who on average married in 1995 were married once by age 40 80% or 90% of the time, women will always be married once by age 40 80/90% of the time, is like saying since 90% of the families in NYC in 1890 owned a horse, they still do.

    However, if you wish to make yourselves look silly, that is your prerogative. A lot of women, and men, too, are suffering badly from Future Shock.

    Reply
    • 212. gooseberrybush  |  November 12, 2010 at 9:29 pm

      Hi, piegrande. I think you misread my post. I said that 80% of women had been married at least once by the age of 40, and of those remaining unmarried women that 40% of those could expect to marry within their lifetimes. I am fully aware that the statistical likelihood of marriage decreases sharply with age, particularly after 40.

      Reply
    • 213. gunsofbrixton  |  November 12, 2010 at 10:29 pm

      Anonymous age 68 wrote: I found absolutely nothing anywhere in any court ruling which showed men have a legally guaranteed right of any kind in a legal marriage. All legal issues come down to property rights, and mostly involving a transfer from men to women. In 1984, I challenged people to find me any enforceable benefit for men in marriage, and 26 years later I am still waiting.

      1. It disturbs me that not a single man in the above discussion has yet to admit that rights granted to those considered next-of-kin (such as: hospital visitation; end of life decisions; custody of/responsibility for children in the event of the wife’s incapacitation/death; educational decision-making powers and access to school records of their children; etc) is one (rather large) category of legal benefit of marriage that a man might desire and want to have. With this example, I hope that y’all will stop claiming that men do not receive any legal benefit from marriage. It simply isn’t true.

      2. The book I recommended above, The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State, would agree that all legal issues regarding marriage come down to the transfer of property– but not to transfer property from men to women, but rather from men to the children they have with those women. That is specifically why men (and the religious and political institutions they administer) created legally enforceable means of quasi-determining or enforcing patrilineage: (in the days before before dna testing) nature has not provided men with an indisputable method of knowing any child (i.e., heir of their name and/or property) is theirs.

      Nature doesn’t give a crap about your name or your money or your property. Neither does it give a crap if all of your children survive to have children of their own. Everything everyone tells themselves about “nature” wiring men this way and women another is all BS that modern folk tell themselves to justify behaviours they don’t want to give up. So you can argue and debate from now to the end of days about whether breeding men need pretty women or wise women and whether breeding women need faster sperm or steadier incomes, but you will never get anywhere: Nature is indifferent to whether we have one, many, or no children, or whether we as a species survive at all.

      Reply
      • 214. gooseberrybush  |  November 12, 2010 at 10:42 pm

        I like you.

      • 215. Louella  |  November 13, 2010 at 12:21 am

        I particularly loved this bit – ‘Everything everyone tells themselves about “nature” wiring men this way and women another is all BS that modern folk tell themselves to justify behaviours they don’t want to give up.’

        Very well stated and VERY VERY relevant in my opinion.

      • 216. gooseberrybush  |  November 13, 2010 at 1:37 am

        I do think there are some differences that can’t just be explained away with societal influences, but there’s a lot of justification going on. For sure.

  • 217. Team Oyeniyi  |  November 13, 2010 at 12:50 am

    I married, although not for the first time, at just under 55 to a man 13 years my junior. I guess that puts me in the Demi and Ashton bracket as far as age differences go! The age difference means nothing to us – we already have 6 children between us so having more was not a concern.

    Mind you, I would not like to try to marry for the FIRST time at my age – dating was bad enough, and I dated a wide age range.

    My husband just happened to “fall out of the sky” as they say, when least expected. Not something I was looking for.

    Reply
  • 218. Richard  |  November 14, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    “Alimony is applied to both sexes in America. Do men have to pay it more often? Probably. Why? Because THEY GENERALLY MAKE MORE MONEY THAN THEIR WIVES.”

    Most women date and marry men who make more money than they do.
    Its called hypergamy.
    Show me a time or place in history where the opposite was true.

    Reply
    • 219. gooseberrybush  |  November 14, 2010 at 8:13 pm

      In case you weren’t paying attention, most men make more money than women. If we had equal pay for equal work, then maybe you’d see a world where women dated men who made less money. But it’s a no brainer that if men make more money than women across the board, then women are going to date men who make more money than they do. Duh. Otherwise, we don’t date at all, or we only date the losers that still live with mommy.

      Women don’t like being judged solely for their “sexual market value,” as you sexists refer to it, anymore than men like being judged solely for their earning potential. You know why? One day a woman gets older and loses that sexual market value. She’d rather not be replaced like a pair of holey socks when that happens. If she chooses wisely and marries a man who also values her intelligence and character, then that won’t happen.

      I don’t suppose a man who lost his fortune would appreciate losing his wife with it, but women who only care about money and have other opportunities will be out the door. There are people of both sexes who engage in reprehensible behavior, but to paint all women with the same paint brush is simply unfair and small minded.

      Reply
    • 220. Louella  |  November 15, 2010 at 2:35 am

      Hypergamy infers an act of ‘seeking’. Just because a womans male counterpart earms more money, doesn’t establish hypergamy.

      I cannot speak for every woman, but personally I couldn’t care less about the financial status of a man.

      The most influencing factor for me when it comes to considering a mate is their character & integrity.

      I also do not have any close friends who consider that a deciding factor.

      Socioeconomic status – of any level does not guarantee happiness.

      Reply
  • 221. StewieJT  |  November 17, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Lowering the barriers – maybe that is that why a lot of women try speed dating when they grow older? I still don’t think they lower their barriers, I think they are more skeptical in those situations! http://thislittlethingcalledlife.com/2010/10/22/speed-dating-one-last-chance/

    Reply
  • 222. letters2soulmate  |  November 21, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Definitely a thought provoking article… my best advice is to never settle. Good things do come to those who wait… I think. Cheers and Love, R

    Reply
  • 224. Paul  |  December 11, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    BTW, society says that a man who doesn’t feel the urge to form babby is just as unnatural as a woman who doesn’t. It just says so more quietly, more subtly, and less often.

    Reply
    • 225. gooseberrybush  |  December 12, 2010 at 3:32 am

      Thanks for commenting. Come back anytime.

      Reply
  • 226. dee  |  December 24, 2010 at 3:45 am

    at any age or gender,marriage is so last millenium.

    Reply
    • 227. gooseberrybush  |  December 24, 2010 at 2:45 pm

      It saddens me that you feel that way. Maybe you’ll change your mind some day, I hope.

      Reply
  • 228. Jenifer Mangione Vogt  |  March 31, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    I had to come back and comment again on this post after reading all the great comments. I have to be truthful. I actually LOVE not being married. That doesn’t meant that if a wonderful guy with a really kind heart entered my life, I wouldn’t also be thrilled but the reality is that hasn’t happened. However, for many friends of mine, they got married because that’s what they were conditioned to believe they were supposed to do. Needless to say, now that we’re in our 40s, I think they are envious of my life. This is because the reality of marriage has now kicked in for them after 15+ years. Their husbands are disappointments and their kids are drains. Now, if they’d actually waited till say 35 or 40 or older to marry, they’d be much more able to accept the banalities because they’d have had the chance to really live life and experience many things before settling down. And, regarding the child issue. There are countless orphans in the world. Countless. It makes me think that if a woman really wants children, she can have them at any age. A child doesn’t have to come from your body to be your own.

    Reply
    • 229. Author  |  March 31, 2011 at 10:32 pm

      Well said.

      Reply
  • 230. Anonymous age 69  |  May 26, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    Same-o; same-o. I stated some time ago that there are no legal benefits for men in marriage. Someone said there were, but I notice he did not list them. That is because there are none.

    Reply
    • 231. Author  |  May 27, 2011 at 1:08 pm

      Not bitter much, are you? Attractive.

      Reply
  • 232. Diane  |  February 13, 2012 at 12:57 am

    Would like to know the chances of a man getting married over 40. This articles only discuss women’s chances but how about the men.

    Reply
  • 233. rich dates  |  July 22, 2012 at 10:29 am

    I’m now not sure the place you are getting your information, but good topic. I must spend a while finding out more or figuring out more. Thanks for fantastic information I used to be searching for this information for my mission.

    Reply
  • 234. Zella  |  October 25, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    I relish, cause I found exactly what I was taking a look for.

    You’ve ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

    Zella

    Reply

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