Your Sex Name

June 13, 2009 at 2:18 pm Leave a comment

This post is not about one of those funky Facebook quizzes. You know. Answer ten questions to find out your sex name, although I suppose you could devise one. That might be kind of cool.

You might wonder what a sex name is. And if you do, then you can join my club, because when the concept was first mentioned to me, I was equally clueless. This is how the subject came up. I have a friend who is a great educator about a variety of subjects. She is the alpha female in the relationship, as, I believe, nearly all my good girlfriends are. I play second fiddle, or Tonto, if you will.

This girlfriend…we’ll call her Katina, because that is her sex name, and the name under which she has given her official permission to be written about in my blog. Katina sends out a weekly email. It’s like her version of a blog. She writes quite well, I might add, and has some legitimate criticisms of my blog; i.e. too long, too wordy, repetitive (did I mention that I’ve had sex recently?), strays from subject. But I digress.

Katina’s weekly email goes out mostly to the people that she considers to be her closest friends. One of these friends had an email address that contained the name Sheila. Now Katina and I know a couple of Sheilas, but neither one of these women were in Katina’s circle of friends, to my knowledge. And Katina doesn’t have any Australian girlfriends. So, I asked her who was the woman with the Sheila email address. She answered, “Oh, that’s [so and so’s] wife.” I know this woman and her husband, and I know that her name is not Sheila. So, I asked, “Why does she have the name Sheila in her email address?”

Katina answered, “Oh, that’s her sex name.”

“Her sex name?” I asked.

“Yes, her sex name. As in what she likes to be called when she’s doing freaky shit.”

“Wow. Really? Like what?”

“The kind of stuff you do to spice up your sex life after you’ve been in a relationship for a while. You know, wigs and handcuffs, stuff like that.”

“Why Sheila?”

“You know. Uh, uh, uh. Oh, Sheila.”

I admit to taking some poetic license with this exchange. I didn’t exactly copy and paste our chat dialogue and then email it to myself, but with the snippets of a spoken conversation on the same subject added in, that was the gist of it.

Later, I was speaking about this very topic with another, male  friend of mine, over pizza and beer. This friend, a shy male guitar player (see About Love and Music), has given his permission to be henceforth written about in this blog, as Shy Guy. I was talking about how this would be a great subject for my blog. Shy Guy agreed.

Then Shy Guy had a brilliant idea. “You could use this to cover yourself if you ever cried out the wrong name in bed. Like, say you accidentally say the name of your ex-girlfriend during the act. You could cover it by saying, ‘Hey, baby. That’s your sex name!'” Of course, this plan can only work if the person you’re having sex with doesn’t know you very well and doesn’t know the name of previous partners of significance, in which case you probably wouldn’t be having freaky sex yet. Nobody wants their sex name to be the  same as their partner’s ex. So, this theory has holes in it. We’re working on it.

Entry filed under: Humor, Sex. Tags: , , , , , .

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