The Bicentennial Commemorative Pepsi Bottle

July 15, 2009 at 11:01 pm 1 comment

The Shy Guy said I should post this poem just upon description of it. I used to write a lot of poetry in high school and college and up until my late twenties. The one poem I’ve written that Shy Guy has ever heard me recite is a poem that he swears would probably be hilarious to anyone who’d ever known the subject of the poem or to another woman. Since the poem was an extended ridiculing of a former crush of mine who earned my derision, it just makes Shy Guy want to hold his balls in anticipation of his eventual castration. As proof that I can write at least one sweet and funny poem that doesn’t involve anyone’s emasculation, I am going to publish this poem in honor of the Shy Guy.

The Bicentennial Commemorative Pepsi Bottle

When I was five

my spinster Aunt Letty

collected a

*Bicentennial Commemorative Pepsi Bottle*

The year was 1976.

(The year Aunt Letty got all her teeth removed)

I thought the bottle was two-hundred years old.

I thought a virgin was a lamb-like animal.

I am older now and the

*Bicentennial Commemorative Pepsi Bottle*

still sits in the same place

on top of my Grandma’s ice box

unopened

untouched

bottle cap intact

undented

unused.

Aunt Letty insists that the

*Bicentennial Commemorative Pepsi Bottle*

is a real treasure in her life

of soap operas, laxatives,

crocheted doilies, Emmett Kelley ceramic clown dolls,

and Silhouette Romance novels

the life she lives with my Grandma

in the tiny white house that she grew up in.

The *Bicentennial Commemorative Pepsi Bottle*

Will be worth boo-coos of money one of these days,

Aunt Letty says,

because it is

a collector’s item

unopened

untouched

bottle cap intact

undented

unused.

But I wonder:  if anyone

should dare to open it

should want to open it

if there would still be

any fizz.

Maybe if someone

shook it

just right…

Entry filed under: Sex, Virginity. Tags: , , , , , , , .

The Work Boyfriend and the Undate I Love My Gay Peeps

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Lorie Murray  |  July 18, 2011 at 1:55 am

    I’m sitting here with my very own Bicentennial Commemorative Pepsi bottle in front of me! 1976–ah it was a very good year! My first year of college—-away from home, etc. My parents gave each of us these bottles also telling us they would be worth “boo coo” bucks some day! Mine too is unopened, unscathed in any way! I’m moving from my home after 25 years and found it a couple of days ago. Thanks for the memories. (And yes I was looking to find it’s value, just in case! It’s worth $2.99 if you can get someone to buy it!)
    Bukslady

    Reply

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