Not many people know that the Mean Reds can be temporarily cured by some sushi, but it can. Even the pre-packaged kind you can get at HEB or Zen will work. I love sushi. All kinds. Spicy, with tempura, with ginger and wasabi and soy sauce. With vegetables like seaweed and cucumber and carrots and avocado. I love sushi with appetizers like salted edamame and midori soup. Throw in some saki. Yum.
Movie theater popcorn with real butter can also temporarily divert one from the Mean Reds experience. Milk Duds are good for this, too. And I love pickles. I like to get the Claussen kosher dill pickles in the big plastic tubs from Wal-Mart. I get the halves, not the spears. Sometimes I can eat four or five of them in a single setting.
I can get positively giddy about steamed asparagus. I like it just plain with salt and pepper or with butter and salt and pepper or if I’m feeling super indulgent, then homemade Hollandaise sauce. Yes, I make it myself. I love eggplant sautéed in olive oil. I love it that way by itself with a little salt and pepper or with some grated parmesan. I love green beans, but I mean the fresh kind that are long and stringy and crisp, like the kind they sautee at the Chinese food buffets.
Other foods temporarily good for removal of the mean reds are watermelon and ruby red grapefruit. Homemade tomatoes with lots of salt and pepper or balsamic vinegrette and some mozzarella cheese will have to bring a smile to one’s face. Good mozzarella cheese is recommended here, not the shredded crap we throw on pizzas.
Macaroni and cheese if it’s made from real sharp cheddar cheese and not the powdered crap they put in a box, or Velveeta, is yummy. Velveeta should be banned unless you’re making queso with melted Velveeta. Spaghetti with a good tomato sauce and some parmesan or romano cheese can make me happy. Mushrooms should be added. Real parmesan actually shredded yourself from a hunk someone cut off a wheel is best. I can’t believe I used to think parmesan cheese came in a green can.
I love Triscuits. They come in flavors now like garlic and pepper and rosemary and olive oil. They’re so good. Summer sausage. I don’t recommend eating it often, but there’s nothing quite like summer sausage for flavor. Maybe prosciutto, which is also good with Triscuits. So is EZ cheese. It’s really white trash, but I admit it.
A good steak with a baked potato and a salad is like heaven as a once in a while treat. A nice big breakfast like steak and eggs is good for what ails you. Eggs should be cooked sunny side up and ordered with toast so you can dip the toast in the yolk. A good Eggs Benedict and a good omelette will also do the trick. The foot long coneys from Sonic with mustard, onion, chili and cheese, along with some greasy tater tots is a once or twice a year craving that I indulge. You won’t have the Mean Reds for a while after that. You’re too busy digesting all that grease and salt.
As for drinks, the happiest drinks are the drinks with the most flavor that also give you a feeling of light airiness. Crystal Light lemonade is good as is a diet Cherry limeade or any of the flavored ice teas from Sonic. A great big glass of Luby’s iced tea is also good. A mocha light frappucino from Starbucks and an iced mocha from McDonald’s are equally refreshing caffeine drinks. LaCroix is a canned sparkling water with no added sweeteners that comes in flavors like lemon and lime and grapefruit. It’s very refreshing. And you can mix it with just a tiny bit of juice for extra flavor. I love that Lactaid skim milk. It keeps in the refrigerator longer, and it’s sweeter and a little thicker than regular skim milk.
As for alcoholic drinks, I don’t recommend drinking when one has the Mean Reds, but let’s face it. You’re probably going to do it anyway. Because if you drink enough it doesn’t make the Mean Reds go away. You just won’t care that you have them anymore. Here are the kind of alcoholic drinks that help best. Hard lemonade and pear cider are good happy drinks. Nearly anything you could stick an umbrella in is also recommended. My personal favorite when I’m going out is the very dirty vodka martini. I want to taste nothing but the brine that some green olives have been sitting in for several months. This is a serious drink with nothing really happy about it except the green olives, but you’ll get to that point that you don’t care that you’re not happy a lot faster because the alcohol content is very high. It’s almost drinking straight vodka.
I also recommend the Chellada, which is Budweiser’s name for beer with Clamato. It’s just pretty good to throw any really spicy Bloody Mary mix in your beer. Period. I am now convinced that this is how God meant for beer to be drunk. Bloody Marys are also good for the Mean Reds. Another good thing is Mimosas or any variation on the Mimosa, such as champagne and grapefruit juice or champagne and cranberry juice or champagne with grapefruit and cranberry juice. Be creative. Experiment. After all, how bad could champagne be with virtually anything? Now that I think about it I don’t recommend milk.