Ten Rules About Men That All Women Should Know By the Time We’re Thirty
- Men and women are fundamentally different. These differences are undeniable and biological and extend beyond the merely physical ones. To be sure, there are cultural factors at work, as well, but the differences between men and women can’t be explained as being merely the byproduct of social conditioning.
- Men are emotional creatures. Just because they aren’t always talking about their feelings doesn’t mean that they don’t have them. In fact, they may actually be more fragile than we women are. It wouldn’t shock me.
- Men are almost entirely reliant upon women for their expression of emotion. Men have male friends, but their male friends tend to be drinking buddies and friends to do activities with. They don’t call their male friends and have long phone conversations with them or sit down at the café over brunch and dissect their childhoods. That’s what we’re for.
- Men lie. Yep. Just like women lie, men lie, too. They do it more often, and they have no talent for it. Their excuses are something any three-year-old could see through. Why do men lie? For some of the same reasons we do. Sometimes they lie just to get laid, and this will be the reason most women think of. However, more often I think men lie in order to avoid hurting us or angering us. At all costs, they want to avoid being confronted with our disappointment or, God forbid, our tears. The first sign of a tear from a female brings a primal response of guilt. Who knows? Maybe he is remembering all the way back to his boyhood and the first time he hurt his mommy.
- Size does matter, but it’s not everything. It’s rare for a guy to be so small that he’s truly inadequate. Most women don’t experience orgasm through intercourse alone, anyway. Beyond a certain size, it’s kind of a waste. Most women just think, “Ouch! Get that thing away from me.”
- Men know what they want, and they do what it takes to get it. This is kind of the He’s Just Not That Into You episode of Sex and the City, condensed into a few sentences. How do you know if a guy is into you? He will ask you out, he will hang out, and he will stick around. He will make it clear that he is into you. He will be persistent. No guy is so shy that he won’t work to get what he wants. Don’t let anyone sell you a load of crap like that you’re intimidating to men. If a guy likes you, then you won’t have to wonder or to guess; you will know. If you don’t know, then the answer is that he’s just not that into you. Don’t stick around hoping for a different answer. You’ll just wind up disappointed when you see him finally ask out someone that he is into. Move on. Next!
- Men are visual creatures. Looks matter. They aren’t everything, and the lucky thing is that different men like different looks. A lot of women make the mistake of not paying attention to this or thinking that looks won’t matter at all to a man who really loves her. Some women even test this theory by letting themselves go. Don’t test this theory. Looks do matter, to everyone, man and woman alike. Making an effort to look your best shows that you respect yourself and you care enough about your mate to want to look good for him. In a perfect world, looks wouldn’t matter, and men would love us entirely for what’s on the inside. This isn’t a perfect world, and nobody ever said life was fair. Get over it.
- All other things being equal, a man will probably pick the woman with the better personality, or, at least the one who makes him feel important or caters to his ego. A good part of the reason why anyone, man or woman, falls in love, is not so much about the other person as it is about how the other person makes us feel about ourselves. In other words, do we like the picture we see when we gaze at our reflection through the other person’s eyes?
- An unattached, straight man will never turn down sex freely offered from a woman that he wants. The only possible exceptions to this rule are deeply religious males. And I mean, really devoted men. I knew multiple church ministers when I was in my twenties for whom this rule was still true. This is largely how men think about sex: it is a pleasurable physical activity and a biological function, like eating. If you offer sex to a man, he equates it to offering him a free brownie. Who doesn’t like brownies, right? Unless you had an understanding beforehand about a relationship, a man is going to assume there isn’t one, and rightly so. They can’t be expected to read our minds. If you offer a man sex and he takes it, then he’s taking a gift you freely offered, like a homemade brownie. You can’t come back later when you’ve changed your mind and then get pissed when he doesn’t pay you in love or in coin. If you do come back later and say, “Give me back my brownie,” then don’t be surprised if the man vomits into your hand. This is, I imagine, why some men frequent prostitutes. It’s like going to a bakery. You can buy a brownie or a Napoleon or a tart. You pay for what you get upfront, and no one cries or gets upset when you eat your treat and then leave the bakery. In fact, that’s what they expect you to do.
- You can’t change a man. Maybe this should be rule #1. So many women make this mistake. They pick a guy that they really like. He’s great except for [fill in the blank with your favorite flaw]. They take on the man with the understanding that the man can change. Whether it’s a big problem like cheating or a little one like leaving his dirty underwear on the floor, a man is not going to change for a woman. He might change for himself if he feels that the consequences of a behavior outweigh the benefits. He won’t change for a woman, any woman, regardless of how much he loves her. He will rightly resent you for not loving him just as he is. And he will continue to persist in his unwanted behaviors. He will just hide it and lie about it afterward (see rule #4). We are all imperfect beings, and any man you’re with puts up with your flaws. Either accept him as he is or move on to find someone else who meets your standards.