I’d Be Sexier If I Had an iPhone

August 14, 2010 at 3:06 pm Leave a comment

Shall we talk about the coolness that is Apple? Yes, I think we shall. John Shore got an iPod touch 32gb from one of his readers this week. Man, I’d love it if someone wanted to send me free stuff for writing crap. (Hint: I could really use some new clothes. Feel free to email me for shipping address and clothing size.)

This is how sexy this post is. Not only is it going to have a photo but also it will have a soundtrack. Put in your headphones. Link to this YouTube video. Play it. Minimize the window and keep reading to get the full effect of the sexy cool that is Apple.


I love my iPod touch. I got it for my birthday last year. The best birthday present ever. Maybe the best present ever, period. I don’t know. I really wanted that Easy Bake Oven, and the puppy I got for my birthday one year was pretty cool, too. Well, it’s right up there with the puppy and the Easy Bake Oven. And that’s really saying something.

I’m nuts about the apps, and I think apps say a lot about a person. Apps come in many categories.


  • The Moron Test – an electronic version of those Follow the Instructions handouts that teachers used to give to us in school that I was never good at.
  • Solitaire
  • Words with Friends – a Scrabble knock off you can play over wifi with friends. John Mayer endorsed it as, “the new Twitter,” which is almost enough for me to delete it, but then I thought that’s illogical. John Mayer probably likes hamburgers and sex, too. And if I boycotted everything John Mayer likes life might not be any fun anymore.

News & Media:

  • The Weather Channel
  • BBC News – Everything’s better with a British accent.
  • Al Jazeera Live – I rarely access it, but I like for people to think I’m intelligent and a free thinker.
  • The Democratic Party – I identify myself as a Democrat, although I’m largely politically apathetic. However, I like to be well versed and opinionated about contemporary issues that I have little or no power to influence.
  • People Magazine – Because it’s important to stay on top of the celebrity gossip, and I find that traditional news outlets don’t talk enough about Lindsay Lohan.
  • The New York Times
  • Austin American Statesman – Because the Chronicle doesn’t have an app.
  • KVUE Austin
  • NPR News
  • Vanity Fair – I’m never buying another issue on the newsstand again. I can carry it around with me in my purse or pocket and keep it forever, plus one less tree gets murdered. Awesome!
  • The Huffington Post – Because I believe in supporting liberally biased media to counterbalance the effects of Fox News on American culture.
  • Onion News Network – Okay. Maybe that should be in the Entertainment Section, but I read recently that an appalling percentage of Americans get their “news” from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Reference Materials

  • Dictionary.com – Because you always need a dictionary, and it helps when playing Words with Friends.
  • Google Earth
  • The Holy Bible – A free version from LifeChurch.TV, the Oklahoma City megachurch with the pastor who looks like Tom Cruise. Really. Google him if you don’t believe me: Craig Groeschel.
  • Wikipedia

Social Networking and Communication

  • Bump – Kick Ass! Bump your iPod touch or iPhone with someone else’s iPod touch or iPhone and exchange contact information or photos, etc.
  • WordPress – I can blog with it, but I don’t because I prefer to type on a full sized keyboard.
  • Skype – If you have wireless access and headphones with remote and microphone, you can make phone calls on your iPod touch.
  • Google
  • Facebook – Because I must have 24 hour access to it.
  • AIM Free – Chat anywhere.


  • Lost Addict
  • Hulu Plus
  • Shazam – This is pretty cool. You have to have earbuds with a remote and mic attached, but you can hold your iPod touch up to any radio and obtain information about the name of the song and the artist.
  • The Smithsonian Channel
  • Classics – Classic literature on a bookshelf that predated the iBooks application but looks suspiciously like it.
  • iBooks
  • Pandora

Utilities and Commercial Applications

  • Nike + iPod
  • Chase Bank
  • PhoneFlicks – Access your Net Flicks account via your iPod touch or iPhone.
  • Fandango – See movie reviews and buy your tickets online.
  • AllRecipes
  • Epicurious
  • Lose It!
  • Restaurants
  • Cigarettes Lite – This doesn’t get used much, but I like to look like I care about my health. The next time I go to a doctor’s appointment, I plan to tell her that I’ve made progress. Instead of just thinking about downloading the app, I’ve actually downloaded it. Now I plan to contemplate actually quitting for a while.
  • Target – Because even if they do give money to homophobic politicians, they are still more ethical than Wal-Mart.
  • Remote – Turn your iPod touch or iPhone into a remote for your Mac. Control music or slide shows and presentations.
  • Apple Store – So I can buy more cool stuff for my iPod touch.
  • Southwest Airlines – I can’t afford to travel, but I like to maintain the illusion for myself that I could go somewhere fascinating at the drop of a hat.
  • Wi-Fi Finder – A database of free and paid wireless internet access.

Charities and Do Gooder Applications

  • Amnesty International
  • iGreenpeace
  • HumaneTV – The Humane Society

What’s on your iPhone or iPod touch? If you don’t already have one, when are you getting one? Have you seen these statistics?


Get an iPhone. You’ll be sexier.


Entry filed under: Technology.

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