Die, Pea Puree Thievin’ Bastard, Die!
Back to Top Chef, Season 7.
First, they eliminated Kenny. That cut down on the drama quotient. No more Angelo-Kenny rivalry. He did deserve to go home, though. At every challenge, Kenny made two versions of something, and the two versions each had umpteen billion ingredients that frequently did not go together. I don’t want to imagine what his food must have tasted like.
In the same episode where “they killed Kenny,” (Yes, the Southpark reference is not lost on me) there was a lot of controversy surrounding an English pea puree. This is creative editing, folks. Ed made a pea puree for his dish and then couldn’t find it anywhere. Coincidentally, at the same time, Alex decided to use a pea puree with his dish, at the last minute. The fact that we didn’t see Alex actually make a pea puree, but we did see Ed make one and then spend a lot of time frantically searching the kitchen for it, made it look like Alex stole his pea puree from Ed.
Tom Colicchio’s blog on Bravo’s official website for Top Chef makes it clear that they did question the contestants afterward and were able to determine that Alex did blanch some peas the night before. What happened to Ed’s pea puree is still a mystery in the same league as the disappearance of Amelia Earhart. But supposedly, because some people witnessed Alex blanching peas the night before, he’s innocent. Yeah, right.
Alex survived that round. Alex is difficult to like. He’s confrontational. He doesn’t seem to be a very good cook. He told us in one episode that if he won the money from a challenge he was going to buy a steak and a Vegas hooker. Huh? Do you know you’re on national television? And to top it all off, Alex looks like a weasel. What does he look like? He literally looks like a weasel. I almost disliked him on par with my hatred of the Sherry Chicken Bitch.
Finally, they did vote him off in the episode where they cooked for the CIA. This actually was pretty creative and entertaining. The contestants had to cook classic dishes and disguise them to look like something else. Pretty cool!
Angelo had Beef Wellington, so what does he do? Why, of course, he raids the frozen food section of Whole Foods for already made puff pastry dough, because that was so successful for that dreadlocked freak John. He deserved to go home, but they sent Alex home instead. That’s because Alex’s food was so inedible that they had to overlook Angelo’s cheating with the puff pastry. I did not cry to see Alex go.
Then, finally, in the next episode, what I’ve been waiting for happened. Oh, happy day! They voted off Sherry Chicken Bitch. The challenge was to make concession food for a professional baseball game. So, Amanda decides to make tuna tartare. Because when I think ballpark, I think raw fish. Don’t you?
She prepares it the night before, and she asks Angelo for help in preparing it properly. This is a fatal mistake. Even after seeing Angelo purposely sabotage other contestants that he’s actually buddied up to, Amanda thinks that if SHE asks Angelo for help, that he’ll naturally help her. Bitch, you aren’t that pretty.
What happens next is predictably gross. Amanda’s tuna tartare oxidizes and turns gray. She serves it without making any changes. It’s a wonder no one got ill. Then she gets booted off the chef train. Take your knives and go home.
I will continue watching Top Chef, but it won’t be any fun anymore. They’ve eliminated everyone I hate.