Signs That the Guy You’re Seeing Just Might Be Married

December 14, 2010 at 1:14 pm 1 comment

Jewish wedding ring. Chased and enameled gold ...

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  1. He wears a wedding ring. I never used to look for a wedding ring. I just assumed that if some guy was flirting with me or pursuing a relationship, that he wasn’t married. And you know what they say about assuming.
  2. There’s a tan line where his wedding ring would normally be.
  3. He tells you that he’s married. This is a big clue. Pay attention to this one. Life is not a Rock HudsonDoris Day movie, and if a guy tells you that he’s married he’s not just a cute playboy who’s looking to escape commitment; he’s married.
  4. He tells you that he’s separated. A guy who’s separated is married. A guy is either married or single. Being separated is kind of like being a little pregnant. You’re either pregnant or you’re not. You’re either married or you’re not.
  5. You spend all your time at your place. You don’t go to his place or you go there very infrequently. You only go there during the day in the middle of the week when his wife is at work or on those rare weekends when she takes the kids to visit her mother.
  6. His bathroom includes feminine hygiene products or implements of female toiletry such as makeup and eyelash curlers. Guys don’t use that stuff, and they wouldn’t just leave it lying around. They’d haul it off to the trash.There are homey touches at his place, like curtains and tea towels and placemats and plug in air fresheners. If you see signs that a woman is living at his place – there’s a woman living at his place.
  7. You haven’t met any of his friends, or you’ve met a limited amount of his friends. You know his old high school buddy Bob. That’s it. That’s because Bob is the only friend who’s morally bankrupt enough to be okay with his two timing on his wife.
  8. You haven’t met his family. There is always some excuse why you are never together for holidays, and he doesn’t want to introduce you to his kids and then have them become attached and then have you break up with him. His parents still love the “ex.”
  9. He’s an enlisted man in the military. I’m going to get flak for this one, I know. I’m not saying that all military guys cheat, and I value the sacrifices they make for our country, but my high school boyfriend married a college buddy of mine, and then he enlisted in the Army. They both said they were shocked that the minute some spouse deployed, his or her partner had a replacement waiting in the wings to move in the next day. This happened about half the time. I always thought they were exaggerating, but years later I worked with a couple who had been in the military. She accepted a job in Costa Rica and took the three youngest children with her for several months. While she was gone he moved in a girlfriend and then quickly moved her out when the wife came back. I can’t make this stuff up.
  10. He has a wife. If your boyfriend has a wife, then he just might be married.

A married man is not a good bet for a relationship. If you don’t believe me, then just ask Mrs. Michael Landon #2. She hooked up with a married Michael Landon and then was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, that he dumped her nearly twenty years later for a newer, younger model. But he loved her. And I’m sure that at one point in time, he did, just like he loved his first wife. And then wife #3 came along: Cindy. He loved her, too.

Some might call that poetic justice. I say it’s just life. But if you’re dating a married man and he does end up dumping his wife for you, then don’t have the unmitigated gall to expect him to be faithful to you. He isn’t engaging in false advertising. He’s telling you exactly what you can expect through his actions. And you aren’t that special.



Entry filed under: Adultery, Ethics, Humor, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Social Commentary. Tags: , , , , , , .

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