What Happened? First Reality, Then My Alternative Universe

January 10, 2011 at 11:58 pm 6 comments

Waiting for a Girl Like You

Image via Wikipedia


Sunday afternoon was spent writing the most fantastically awesome business blog post ever. I sent it with my cover letter and resume. I actually created a new blog just to send a writing sample to the head of the editorial department. I was so proud of myself. And then I posted THE BLOG to beat ALL BLOGS.

It was exactly the right length at just under 500 words. It had a nice picture of Bill and Melinda Gates with Warren Buffett, and it included an original business proposal for my current company, a way they could maybe expand their market share. And I included links for articles on how I came to my conclusion. I shortened all those links with that bit.ly site, and then I tested every single one of the links to make sure they worked right. I even created a blogroll for my fake job audition blog. It was totally freakin’ awesome, if I do say so myself.

I mean, if I were him, then I would have been impressed with me, and maybe he was. He read it right away, practically first thing this morning, and the article was hit on twice. He didn’t click any of the links. Bummer.

Then he sent me an email thanking me for my resume, telling me they didn’t currently have any writing jobs available but that he would keep my resume on file. I think the email said something about “initiative.” That was cool. And then he said that if I wanted to ask him more about the jobs in his department some time that he would be happy to meet with me.

I saw him in the hall afterward, and he made a point out of talking to me in person. No wan smile this time. I looked him right in the eye. He said we could meet for coffee some time, and he’d be happy to answer any questions I had. I thanked him. I’ll email him back and take him up on it.

Alternative Universe

Editor Dude walks straight up to Gooseberry’s desk, mouth agape.

Editor Dude: Are you Gooseberry?

Gooseberry: Yes.

Editor Dude: That writing sample you sent me is the bomb! I mean it’s like business non-fiction ambrosia. And the links! I loved the links! How did you get them so small? And how did you get them all to work right.

Gooseberry: Thank you, well, it’s just practice. You just have to keep testing those links until you know they’re just right.

Editor Dude: I tell you I’ve never seen anything like it. People send me writing samples all the time, but this was truly brilliant.

Gooseberry: You’re going to make me blush.

Editor Dude: No, really, I mean it. Your command of the English language, your sound understanding of solid business principles, your ability to think ahead of the curve…just blows my mind.

Gooseberry: Thanks again.

Editor Dude: How did you come up with that original business idea? I can’t believe no one here has thought of it before. I forwarded it to the head of XYZ Corporation. He wants to implement it, and not only that, he wants to pay you a six-figure bonus for the idea and make you the head of your own division of writers for just that idea.

Gooseberry: What?

Editor Dude: We are going to give you your dream job, tailored specifically to fit your talents and abilities. We want you to start as soon as possible. How does $150,000 a year and stock options sound to you?

Gooseberry: That sounds good.

Editor Dude: Great. When can you start?

Gooseberry: Tomorrow? I’ll have to talk to my current boss, you know, they need me. I’m, like, indispensable.

Editor Dude: By the way, have you ever read a book called What Color is My Parachute by any chance?

Gooseberry: Why, yes. Yes, I have.

Editor Dude: I knew it! I had twenty bucks riding on this with my boss. I kept telling her that I just knew that someday someone who had read that book would come along and show us that she was so darn special that we just had to create a job just for her. I’ve been waiting for you to come along.

Cue music: Foreigner’s “Waiting For A Girl Like You

Fade to black.

And scene.


Entry filed under: Humor, Writing. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Paralyzer The Perfection of Imperfection

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Amanda  |  January 11, 2011 at 12:30 am

    You have totally lost your marbles. Somebody call the meat wagon and take her away….

    I’m just SO impressed with you having taken the initiative to actually DO this task!! I’m sooooooooooo unbelievably proud of you it’s crazy!!!!! Right on!!!!! I see a new job/promotion in your future….

    • 2. Author  |  January 11, 2011 at 1:15 am

      Thank you!

  • 3. popsdumonde  |  January 11, 2011 at 1:01 am

    Good job, the seeds have been planted, watch them grow!

    • 4. Author  |  January 11, 2011 at 1:16 am

      Thank you, thank you. It’s all too much, really. I just can’t stand the accolades.

  • 5. sandraroffel  |  January 11, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Crazy? Yup, that’s for sure. However. Maybe crazy enough to get your dream job. I hope that same editor reads this blog. 🙂

    • 6. Author  |  January 12, 2011 at 2:26 am

      Oh, I hope not. He would definitely know I’m crazy then. And crazy does not inspire hiring practices. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not let him see this.


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