Pulitzer Prize Winning National Enquirer

January 22, 2011 at 1:16 am Leave a comment

Cover of "Broadcast News"

Cover of Broadcast News

Once again, The National Enquirer drives our news in America. And the latest news is that Sarah Palin’s husband Todd had sex with a massage therapist and convicted madam.

It’s interesting to see a picture of this woman that Todd was supposedly having an affair with because she’s not exactly the Playboy centerfold type, but then men supposedly greatly outnumber women in Alaska. Maybe if you’re looking for some hooch on the side you really don’t have many choices. I’m not saying that she’s homely, just that she’s not the type that you’d expect to be a “rival” for Palin.

But then again, you hear conflicting views on these things all the time, that cheating is not about the physical attractiveness of the wife or the quality of the sex. But men (the kind that have affairs, anyway) are driven by their dicks, which seem to be driven by their eyes, so…let’s just say I’m confused.

What else is in the news in America? Let’s see. Oscar de la Renta doesn’t like Michelle Obama’s choice of dress for a state dinner. People are wondering if the President is actually looking younger lately. Sorry, I didn’t click on this one, so I can’t tell you if they think his photos are getting airbrushed or that he’s had Botox or maybe just dyed his hair. I don’t know.

Jesse James and Kat Von D got engaged. From what I can tell, they deserve each other. I hope they’re very happy together. Sandra Bullock may be sad over this. We’re not sure. But we have an entire news story about it anyway.

Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds really are just friends. Really. She promised the entire female population of America that they are not doing the horizontal mambo.

Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke might get back together. The Prime Minister of Italy is promiscuous and has sex with underage girls. Halle Berry’s ex-husband is engaged to Prince’s ex-wife.

What’s new with Kelsey & Camille Grammer? Kelsey Grammer is just some guy who always moves on to the newest youngest thing, and Camille was model #2. I don’t feel sorry for either of them or care if Grammer is a cross dresser. Did you hear me yawn?

The news in America is mostly gossip. It’s not that I don’t like gossip. I just wish we’d intersperse it every once in a while with some actual news. It makes me long for the days of my childhood and teenage years, when the movie Broadcast News was actually a cautionary tale and not everyday reality.

Entry filed under: Media. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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