Okay. Fine. I Admit It. I Do Know Everyone.
I have a young coworker at my workplace who is always remarking, “I swear. You know everyone.”
And I always say, “Well, I started out on the other end of the building in sales, but it’s not true that I know everyone.”
Really, I can see why she might think that I know everyone because a lot of people do stop and talk to me in the halls or the breakroom. I’m just friendly that way. I like people. Also, coincidences happen a lot with me. Strange serendipitous moments seem to be attracted to me the way that flies are attracted to shit. It’s probably why I love the TV show Lost so much. It’s also why, if I ever write a memoir of my life, I’m going to title it The Accidental Stalker.
My young coworker…let’s call her Princess Celestia (after the My Little Pony character, not whacked out Anne Heche, just to clarify). I decided to take Princess Celestia downtown with me two weekends ago on a downtown adventure. This is because Princess Celestia has lived here for less than a year. She’s never seen downtown, and I thought it would be something fun to do.
So, I told her to meet me at the North Lamar Transit Center with $2 in bus fare. And we went downtown and had our little adventure. We went to the State Capital. I made her stand on the center star and talk so she could hear the echo. We went to The Driskill Hotel and walked around. We went to the flagship Whole Foods Market and ate lunch. I took her to Book People. On the way back we stopped at Terra Toys and Buffalo Exchange. The outing was a huge success!
Now the funny thing about our outing was that after we got done window shopping at Buffalo Exchange we sat down at a bus stop outside Wheatsville Co-op. Who comes along? One of the women from my crochet meet-up at Central Market is waiting on the bus after having finished her laundry at a nearby laundromat.
We got on our bus to take us back to the bus stop. Who was sitting right in front of me? A couple that I had met at the North Lamar Transit Center right before Princess Celestia showed up for our little adventure. They didn’t take the same bus downtown with us, but they were on the same bus that we took to get back to the bus stop. I tapped the woman on the shoulder and started a conversation. You know how some people roll their eyes? Princess Celestia rolled her entire head in amazement.
Still. I swear by all that is Holy, I do not know everyone.
Then today at work one of my coworkers asked me to make a phone call to a customer. It was no one that I had ever heard of, a perfectly generic name at a phone number whose area code was unrecognizable to me. Let’s call this guy Jamie.
I make a call to Jamie, and he rattles off his company name. His company’s name is Nowhereville Hospital Authority. And where is Nowhereville Hospital Authority located you might ask? Nowhereville, Oklahoma. To learn all about Nowhereville, click on the links here:
Immediately, I start to laugh. Oh, my gosh! I used to live in Nowhereville! I went to junior high school there. I was a candy striper at the Fake Name Nursing Home run by the Nowhereville Hospital Authority. Yes, 28 years ago I was passing out ice water to the old people in the building that Jamie works in. That’s at least 2 years before Princess Celestia was a twinkle in her daddy’s eye.
So, Jamie and I start talking to try to ascertain if we know any of the same people. I rattle off names.
Gooseberry Bush: Well, there’s Tammy…her mom owned the clothing store on the square.
Gooseberry Bush: Yes, that’s it. And Jason Cage and Paul Long and Darren Heffner. They were a grade ahead of me. Then there’s Pinky Kiriakis and Violet Binoche and Jason, um, his granddad owned the trailer park.
Gooseberry Bush: Kelso, right.
In the meantime, the coworker who sits next to me, who asked me to make the phone call and who knows that Princess Celestia thinks that I know everyone, she starts to laugh. She says, “It’s old home week.”
And then, the pies de resistance. I start rattling off some more names of people I went to school with, and just for grins and giggles, I throw in Little Shit’s name. I did go to school with him, after all.
Jamie: Little Shit. I went to school with his younger brother.
Gooseberry Bush: Which one? Littler Shit or Littlest Shit?
Jamie: Littlest Shit. You know where he went to college?
Gooseberry Bush: No. Where?
Gooseberry Bush: It’s a small world.
I admit it. I do know everyone.