Posts tagged ‘Men’

Lord, Make Me An Instrument of Thy Peace

A garden statue of Francis of Assisi with birds

Image via Wikipedia

All too often what I see going on in the manosphere is a vilification of women, the flourishing of stereotypes without sound empirical evidence to back it up (i.e. all women are sluts, and this is the result of feminsm), and the same tired and stupid arguments being rehashed over ad nauseum by a group of people, some women but mostly men, who are all in agreement with each other’s biased viewpoints. These websites are one trick ponies written by men with their own rationalization warthogs.

No room for dissent here. If a critically thinking person brings up evidence or viewpoints to the contrary, then the blogger or the community resorts to personal attacks. It would bother me if I respected their opinions, but since I don’t I just see it as further proof of their single-minded ignorance, and, to some extent, stupidity. If you have to resort to personal attacks, then the truth is that you just don’t have what it takes to bring it. I don’t hate them. Beyond my initial outrage, it doesn’t even make me angry. It makes me pity them.

These men also aren’t self aware enough to realize that if you’re failing at relationships with women repeatedly, then the one common denominator in all these relationships is: you. The same rule applies to the females, absolutely. I’ve previously admitted to my own failures personally on this blog, if you regularly read it. I absolutely think that I bear responsibility for my failure to secure a long-term commitment. I own that. But you can’t apply that rule to the females only, and then go, “Look! It’s exactly like I told you; they’re all either harpy hags or shallow, slutty bitches!”

Well, actually, you could. But this would be a fallacy. Maybe the reason that these men aren’t more successful with long-term relationships is BECAUSE the women recognize that these men deep-down actually hate women and discount their contributions to society beyond their sexual market value and their ability to conceive and incubate a child. If that’s the case, then women are right to respond to these men as they do. After all, even the hottest youngest woman gets old one day, and fertility isn’t a guarantee, and no person likes being someone else’s slave.

Now I realize that I’ve seen a small portion of the websites and blogs that favor men’s rights, and probably not all of them are resorting to blaming rape victims and outright saying that a woman’s only worth is motherhood. There are probably a lot of guys out there who are bringing up some very good points about the relationship between the sexes. There are some guys out there that are probably writing smart stuff about legitimate areas in our society where men are getting shafted, real examples of misandry. The websites I’ve been to, unfortunately, aren’t it. Although, I will say that several men who have commented on this website have brought up excellent topics for debate. I thank them.

My advice to anyone who’s seeking to bridge the gender gap, as I am, instead of perpetuating it, or, God forbid, widening it, is to listen, seek to understand, be open and tolerable to other viewpoints. We don’t have to agree. There’s no law that says we have to agree on everything, but if you’re open and willing to listen, instead of outright dismissing someone on the basis of his or her sex, you just might learn a thing or two that you didn’t know previously. Someone might bring up a point you hadn’t thought about before.

My goal is for women and men to live in peace with one another, enjoy one another, sacrifice for one another, be selfless and kind and think about the ways in which we might fulfill one another and lift one another up rather than tearing each other down. That counts for everywhere from the battlefield to the boardroom to the bedroom.

Whether you are religious or not, much wisdom can be learned from an ancient prayer widely attributed to St. Francis of Assissi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.


February 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm 22 comments

Lost Girls & Lost Boys

One thing I love about Netflix is the ability to watch a lot of cable TV on the internet. I don’t have cable TV, mostly because I think it’s a waste of money, but sometimes I do miss something good like documentaries or biographies, shows on A&E or Bravo, better TV series like Rome, The Tudors, Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men, stuff like that.

A couple weeks ago when I was searching the TV on Netflix I found a National Geographic special hosted by Lisa Ling about the serious problem of baby girls being abandoned in China. Maybe you’ve noticed, like me, the number of American families who have adopted babies from China in recent years. Meg Ryan is a good case in point. She adopted a baby girl that she named Daisy True four years ago.

The reason so many Americans are adopting from China is because of the Chinese government’s one child policy and the Chinese culture’s preference for boys. China’s orphanages are literally filled to the brim with adorable babies, nearly all of which are perfect but for one fatal flaw: they are girls.

A lot of mothers who have female children abandon them. This is because in China, especially in rural areas, female children are seen as a burden. Women who conceive or bear female children are encouraged to abort or abandon them in order to continue trying for a boy who it is believed will be better able to contribute to the family financially and will be able to carry on the family name. The women are frequently blamed by their husbands for their failure to produce a male heir, even though science has known for decades that it’s the man’s sperm that determines the sex of a child.

The Chinese government imposes fines on those families that wish to have more than one child, making it virtually impossible for many families to even contemplate keeping a female child and trying for a boy the second time around. So, for families that wish for a boy, getting rid of a girl child is sometimes their only affordable option, even if they might otherwise want to keep the child.

This preference for boys is already causing a real problem in China, and it’s only going to get worse. Schools are filled with small children who are mostly male. The male to female ratio in China in the year 2000 was 120 males for every 100 females, and it’s just getting worse.

This issue will culminate in many adult males in China having no hopes for a mate and no hope of having any children of their own, male or female. Worse, this gender imbalance is already creating a market for kidnappers, for sexual slavery, and for sexual violence perpetrated against women by men who feel frustrated by their inability to secure a mate. The shortage, instead of creating a culture that thereby values its rare commodity, is instead making things even tougher for Chinese women.

Girls aren’t the only sex that’s lost due to gender issues. Boys, too, can be the victims of brutal behavior. Just ask the hundreds or thousands of young men who have been shunned from The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Birth rates of men and women are roughly equal in the United States. In polygamous societies, such as that seen in the FLDS, because men are expected to marry multiple wives this leaves a surplus of available (usually young) men and a shortage of marriageable young women. Women are married off usually to much older men who are already financially established, with families of sister wives. Young men, who are competition for the affections of the coveted young women, are often pressured to leave by older men in the sect. In a culture that believes that each man should have no fewer than three wives, these results are inevitable.

Sometimes these boys are pressured to leave by their own family members: fathers and uncles and cousins who vie for the affections of much younger women, and, in order to secure these women to them, shun their own kin. Boys are kicked out for such seemingly innocent offenses as watching inappropriate movies or television programs. The truth is that the established patriarchy of the culture looks for reasons to get rid of the competition.

I look forward to a world in which men and women are each valued equally for their unique individual gifts, talents and abilities. I want a future where men and women truly have equal opportunities, where we can live in cooperation and collaboration with one another, in public and in private. I want a world where there are no more lost boys or lost girls. I hope that there are other people out there who feel exactly like me. If you’re one of those people, please feel free to comment here.

January 8, 2011 at 8:14 pm 4 comments


A married man hit on me again. The other night I went to an engagement I had promised to go to that shall remain nameless to protect the guilty. Before I got there that evening, I had a flat tire. So, I had to walk there and then walk home, not a great hardship except for the fact that it was over 100 degrees outside when it happened.

A man I know offered to give me a ride home, and I accepted. I’ve known him casually for six years. I don’t see him very often. He’s a Hispanic man. English is his second language. He is married to a Guatemalan woman, and together they have four young sons.

Men frequently talk about the fact that women never actually say what they mean and that you need a translator to understand us. That’s fair. For instance, more than once I’ve said, “Fine,” when I don’t really mean that. Sometimes sarcasm is lost on the simple minded.

However, men have a form of double talk that they have perfected as well. Even a man who has learned English as a second language can perfect the language of boyspeak. Fortunately, I translate boyspeak fluently. I will attempt to recreate our conversation below, with the actual dialogue, followed by what we each really means, in italics.

Married Man: Are you married? Have you ever been married?

Are you married? I don’t want another man to beat me up for hitting on you.

Me: No. But if the right single guy ever comes along, then I’d like to be.

Why doesn’t God send me a nice single boy?

Married Man: But you have had boyfriends, right?

You’re not a virgin, I hope.

Me: Yes, I’ve had boyfriends.

I’ll be forty next year. That would be pretty pathetic if I’d never had a boyfriend.

Married Man: Oh, Gooseberry, you are so beautiful. I just wish you didn’t live so close so that we could spend more time together.

I hope you’re not going to make me work too hard for this.

Me: Thank you.

What the fuck? I should have walked home.

Married Man: Would you like to stop somewhere and get a drink?

Let me get you drunk. That will help.

Me: No. I would like to go straight home.

I have a feeling I’m going to need a drink after this.

Married Man: You speak English so well, and I do not speak English so well. I would like to speak English with you so I can learn to talk better.

I will appeal to your desire to help others in order to seduce you. If you feel you need a reason to spend time with me, then you can tell people that you are teaching me English.

Me: You speak English very well.

You need English lessons, MY ASS!

Married Man:  I have been seeing you for six years now. The first time I see you I think how beautiful you are. I think how I would like to spend more time with you, but I never see you. Before I got married I had three girlfriends in Houston. They were white girls. They were so beautiful.  They had such pale white skin, and I am so dark. You are beautiful like them.

I like white women. I would like to fuck you and then afterwards to lay in bed naked and look at the contrast of your pale milky skin against mine.

Me: Thank you. That’s flattering.

Do I have a sign on my forehead that says, “Desperate”? I swear to God, what about me says that I am so lonely, that I have sunk so low, that I would for a moment be tempted to carry on with a married man? Earlier this evening you couldn’t remember my name, and now you’ve been harboring a secret passion for me for six years. Amazing!

Married Man: I would like to spend more time with you. I would like to learn to speak better English. Would you do that for me?

I would like to fuck you.

Me: I would be happy to help you speak English. We can spend time together, as friends.

I really wouldn’t mind helping you to polish your English skills if that’s what you actually want to do.

Married Man: Yes, as friends. Of course.

This will cost money.

Me: If you want to hang out together as friends, then I could meet you and your wife both. You can bring the kids. We can all speak English together.

If this is really about learning to speak better English, then you will take me up on this offer. However, I think we both know that you are not interested in learning English from me.

Married Man: Oh, I cannot do that. My wife. She would get jealous. She would see you, and she would know that you are so much more beautiful than she is. She would get angry.

How am I supposed to get in your pants if you won’t let me spend time alone with you?

Me: Thank you for the compliment. That’s very flattering. If you want to spend time together as friends and if you want to learn better English, then I think we should meet together with your wife. You are a married man, and I am a single woman, and I think it’s important that we maintain some boundaries. If your wife wouldn’t be okay with that, then she definitely wouldn’t be okay with us spending time alone together.

Yeah, I’m giving Angelina Jolie a run for her money, I’m so freakin’ beautiful. This is not about speaking English.

Married Man: Is this…are you afraid that my wife will get angry and try to hurt you? Because sometimes a woman will worry about that, but that would not happen.

You’re onto me. I might as well just acknowledge what’s actually going on here. So, why don’t you want me? It must be because you are afraid that my wife will beat you up. I would not allow that to happen.

Me: No, I’m not worried about that happening. I’m just not interested in being with a married man. I wouldn’t do that with any married man.

It’s just impossible for you to conceive of a woman who wants to do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing, isn’t it? It never once occurred to you that even if I were tempted, which I am definitely not, that I might take your wife’s feelings into consideration. And it’s impossible for you to believe because you obviously don’t…take your wife’s feelings into consideration. This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and it won’t be the last.

Married Man: You know, my wife, she says that I work too much and that I don’t help her around the house enough. I work sometimes ten, eleven hours. I come home, eat something, shower, get up and do it all again. I do the yard, you know, but she is not happy.

My wife doesn’t understand me or appreciate me. My wife yells at me. I do not get laid enough at home. Please consider having an affair with a married man. I will cut your grass for free.

Me: I am sure that is hard. Maybe you should try helping out around the house more. Maybe you can work a little less.

Oh, my God! You are actually playing the, “My wife doesn’t understand me,” card. I think I can hear the world’s tiniest violin playing a score in the background. Maybe if you would stop chasing tail, that would free up a few hours every week for you to spend time with your wife and help her out around the house. Maybe then she might be inclined to give it up more often.

Married Man: You know, it is not good to be alone. You need, how you say…?

Don’t you ever get horny?

Me: Companionship.

You mean sex.

Married Man: Yes, that’s it. Companionship.


Me: I have friends. Well, I think it’s time for me to go inside now. I’ll see you next time. Thank you for the ride.

I masturbate. I find it more satisfying than stealing other women’s husbands, or even just borrowing them for the night.

Married Man: Yes, I will see you again. You’re welcome.


August 12, 2010 at 3:09 pm 1 comment

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